"You Should Have Taken a Job at McDonald's!"

The Los Angeles Times has an amazing story about the many lawsuits filed by Donald Sterling and his wife Shelly over the years. The gist of the article is that Sterling will sue anyone or any place that he can and they're almost all petty. Check out this paragraph from the story.

"In 2001, he sued Bill Fitch, another fired head coach mired in a dispute over money. Sterling argued that he should not have to pay $4 million because Fitch had failed to look for another job as the terms of his contract required. The suit and Fitch's countersuit dragged on for a year and a half, becoming increasingly personal and unpleasant. Sterling's side accused Fitch of lounging around on the golf course instead of looking for work with one Clippers executive testifying that the veteran coach should have taken a job at McDonald's, according to court filings. Ultimately, the case was settled on the eve of trial."

Unbelievable. Sadly that case didn't go to court because I would have loved to have seen the testimony from Fitch defending himself from those accusations. "I'm 60-years old! You really think I'm going to get a job at McDonald's?"

The worst suit from Sterling was against former player Marques Johnson who ended his career with the Clippers after a neck injury. Johnson was owed $1.3 million and the Clippers of course stopped cutting him checks. This of course lead to a lawsuit which lead to this creepy moment.

"When Johnson asked for NBA arbitration, Sterling responded with a fraud suit, accusing him of failing to disclose a past cocaine problem during contract negotiations. The suit contended that Johnson wasn't entitled to any more money and in fact, he and his agent should have to pay the Clippers for "losses to the overall quality of the team," including decreased ticket sales. 

 During the dispute, Johnson's toddler son, Marques Jr., drowned. An acquaintance of Sterling approached Johnson and said the team owner was sympathetic to his grief and wanted to speak to him, Johnson recalled.   

"I called Donald and he starts yelling at me and berating me and telling me how he is going to ruin me financially," Johnson said. He settled the case out of court for less than he wanted, he said. "I was worn down psychologically, spiritually and financially."

That's all sorts of fucked up right there. And there all sorts of fucked up details in this story about the many lawsuits filed by Sterling and his petty old lady in this story. From going to accuse Bill Walton of drug use in a suit to suing a hotel because Shelly slipped and fell on some ice.

The Sterlings love to fight and the NBA will certainly have a fight on their hands.

"That's Our Ball"

This Clippers-Thunder series has had everything so far. Chris Paul going supernova. Kevin Durant doing Kevin Durant things. Scotty Brooks imploding. Everything leading up to last night's game 5. A game that I was excited about until I saw this tweet before the game by Bill Simmons.

Bennett Salvatore, Tom Washington and Tony Brothers reffing a genuinely important NBA playoff game - what could possibly go wrong?
— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) May 14, 2014

Has there been a more accurate prediction before the game even started? "This reffing crew and what could go wrong?" Simmons has never looked smarter. Because of course something did go wrong and of course it happened late in the game.



Now look one call doesn't win a game for a team, Chris Paul melting down had a bigger impact on the final score, but woof that is a horrendous call at the end of the game. What could go wrong was everything in the final moments and Bill Simmons has never looked smarter.

Image of the Day

Last night Anderson Cooper interviewed disgraced Clippers owner Donald Sterling and it went about as well as you would expect. Sterling's shot at Magic Johnson was especially enlightening. The best moment though involved Donald Sterling watching Michael Sam kiss his boyfriend on TV.

Okay fine that didn't happen but it would have been hilarious.

Sterling and his former wife(?) aren't going away though. The fight is just beginning and hopefully the owners and the league are prepared to fight these two scumbags.

(Pic via XMasApe)

Gone Fishing

One of the best bits from the Inside the NBA crew is their gone fishing segment for teams that have been eliminated from the playoffs. Since the Raptors and Mavericks were eliminated on ESPN, the TNT did their gone fishing last night.



Of course they had to sneak a photo of Tony Romo in there for the Mavericks. He's like a plague. Everyone from the Mavericks to Duke have been eliminated because of his presence. Dude can't even win when he's not even playing.

Video: Deandre vs. Serge

Deandre Jordan is known for dunking on people. Serge Ibaka is known for blocking everything that comes into his path. What happens though if Jordan tries to dunk on Ibaka? Well let's find out.



Valiant effort by Ibaka. He had zero help in that sequence desperately trying to prevent a basket. If he had a little rebounding help maybe he wouldn't have made it onto Jordan's poster. Either way I'm pumped for the playoffs to start soon.

The Antagonists of March

Ah March. Spring is sprung. Grass being cut. Baseball on it's way. The NBA and NHL wrapping up their seasons. March Madness. What's not to love about this month? Well there are three things that are hateful this month. Assholes telling you about their fantasy baseball team. Assholes telling you about their bracket picks. And asshole NBA and college basketball writers that love to antagonize each other on Twitter.

The last one really gets to me because I follow a lot of basketball writers in both sports. And they love jabbing each other about why their version of the sport is better. You know how these responses go.

College basketball writer: "College basketball is so much better than the NBA! Look at the emotion on the players faces!"

NBA Writers response: "That and they can't shoot." 

College basketball writer: "Well your players get arrested." (I love this response because almost all of those players played in college and morph into thugs into these writers eyes. THEY WERE NEVER THUGS IN PRECIOUS COLLEGE!)

NBA Writers: "Your players can't score." (This is the old standby retort for NBA writers. When in doubt, always point out the fact that college basketball is a low scoring game leaving out the fact they all love watching Tom Thibodeau teams that can't in fact score.)

College basketball writer and Duke snob Seth Davis kicked off the antagonizing last night (yes he couldn't even wait until the real part of the tournament started) with this amazingly hokey tweet:

Reason No. 4,312 why college hoops is better than the NBA: Players locking arms on the bench. Do they do that during the NBA Finals?
— Seth Davis (@SethDavisHoops) March 19, 2014

Good God that is bad. And yeah Seth, I'm sure Lebron James and Chris Bosh are concerned about their teammates "locking arms" during the NBA finals.........

Anyway as you can imagine ole Seth got crushed on Twitter by NBA writers. Mocking the hokiness of that tweet. Mocking the low scoring of the game. Mocking everything about college basketball. The season for college basketball and NBA writers to antagonize each other was knocked opened and for the next three weeks if you follow these tools on Twitter you'll see them sniping at each other.

Look I'm the first one to admit that college basketball has its issues. The sport is too slow. There are way too many fouls called. Offenses aren't exactly fluid, then again most NBA offenses aren't exactly fluid. Have you ever watched a Mike Brown team in the NBA? Defenses can be way to aggressive leading to basically shitty wrestling. The possession arrow needs to be given a quick death.

College basketball has some serious issues but that doesn't mean you can't and shouldn't enjoy it. Why can't you just be a basketball fan, regardless who is playing or whether it's college or pros?

I enjoy college basketball for completely different reasons than the NBA. I don't need see Lebron taking over whole games at the college level. I can enjoy the nuances of the game. The different defense's that are used. The environments and the rivalries.

I enjoy the NBA for completely different reasons than college basketball. The faster pace, the man-to-man defenses. The fluidity of the games.

All I'm really asking for is that both writing groups just give it a rest for the next three weeks. You'll get your chance to shine NBA writers next month when your playoffs start. We don't need your constant reminders about how much better it is to watch the NBA. Also you give it a rest to college basketball writers. I know this is your time to shine but we don't need hokey reminders about college camaraderie and traditions. Just shut the fuck up please.

Gerald Green is My Hero

Gerald Green's reemergence and the Phoenix Suns ascent up the Western Conference standings is really the story of the year in the NBA. Phoenix was suppose to be this good and Green wasn't suppose reemerge as a competent basketball player. And yet it happened. Green also became my hero last night after this dunk on a Plumlee.



Look at that big albino dork trying to block that shot. It's freaking beautiful. Love you Gerald Green and thank you for this.

(Via Eye on Basketball)

Pass Interference on Number 12

Yeah, yeah I know Lebron scored 61 last night against a good defensive team. That didn't impress me though. Lebron could almost score 61 every night if he really wanted to. What impressed me last night was this game winner by Wesley Johnson.



If the NBA was the NFL, LeMarcus Aldridge would have been called for pass interference. Aldridge was all over Johnson on that play and remarkably, Wes still caught the pass in mid air and laid in the ball for the game-winner. The Lakers have had a terrible season but that must have been nice to beat a good team like Portland on a lay-up.

(Via Pro Basketball Talk)

How Old is the Oakland Arena?

Last night's Warriors-Heat game was probably the best game you'll see all year in the NBA. The Heat had a big lead on the Warriors only to let it slip away finally needing a last second Lebron 3 to win the game for them. In between that time a piece of disco ball fell from the Oakland Arena roof and delayed the game. Yes, I said disco ball making me wonder just how old is the Oakland Arena?



I love how that idiot Bob Fitzgerald thought a fan threw something on the court. Because fans are totally allowed to bring glass objects into stadiums and arenas still.

Paul George Highlight Reel

The dunk contest this Saturday should actually have some excitement. Paul George, the first real superstar since Dwight Howard, will be participating in the event. To get everyone prepared for Saturday here is George's dunk highlight reel. 

(Via Eye on Basketball)

Hedo Turkoglu Breaks His Own Ankles

When Hedo Turkoglu came into the league with the Sacramento Kings I was completely fascinated by him. He's from Turkey and his name is Turkoglu? Awesome. I was always disappointed when the Kings traded him but they did get Brad Miller in that deal. Imagine my surprise as he became a semi-effective player until a few years ago when he was overpaid by the Magic and then got busted for roids. Now he's just trying to have one last go-around with the Clippers and this happened.

Poor Hedo had to leave the game and didn't return. It's always sad seeing players as shells of their former shelfs. Long live Hedo, your name and game brought great pleasure to this kid. 

(Vid vis The Point Forward)

My Favorite David Stern Conspiracy Theories

In case you didn't know David Stern is retiring as the NBA commissioner on Saturday. You've seen a lot of retrospectives on Stern on how great he was or how bad of moments he had. I'm not doing none of that. I'm looking back at my favorite David Stern conspiracy theories.

The Frozen Envelope: Do you think when Stern came up with the idea for a draft lottery he would have to hear and deal with so many conspiracy theories? I'm thinking he didn't. But credit to him for sticking it out and making the draft lottery a part of our lives every year.

So back to the frozen envelope, you know the conspiracy by now. Patrick Ewing is coming out of Georgetown, so of course New York's got to have him because he's the best player in college basketball. Back then the lottery worked with Stern basically pulling names out of hat, but the names were in envelopes. Now the theory goes the New York envelope was put in a freezer before the lottery, so when Stern reached down to feel the envelopes he would feel the frozen envelope and pick it last. And that's how the Knicks won the 85 lottery.

Video: Paul George Continues to be Amazing

One of the great joys of this NBA season has been the improvement of Indiana's Paul George. He's morphed into a Scottie Pippen type of player this year. He can score multiple ways and his defense is top notch as witnessed by Isiah Thomas a few night ago when George poked the ball from behind him in OT to secure the Indians win. Along with this improvement has been his Lebron James like in-game dunk shows. He put on another show last night in Los Angeles.



Breathtaking. He's simply a joy to watch night in and night out. I go out of my way to watch Pacers games just because of him. He'll win a NBA championship one day and it wouldn't surprise me at all if it happened this season.

"That boy can really stroke it right there. I'm going to take him to Target."

In case you missed it last week, Kellen Winslow was arrested last week in a parking lot at Target for um....uh........ masturbating in his car with two jars of Vaseline. Well Charles Barkley heard that story and decided to make a joke about it last night during Inside the NBA.



Oh man how frightened was Ernie Johnson during that segment? He couldn't get past those remarks quickly enough. As for the rest of the Inside the NBA crew, they're simply the best in Television. I could honestly watch them for hours.

(Vid vis Sports Grid)

Nick Young vs. The World

Last night Swaggy P decided to fight the entire Phoenix Suns team. Well the players who weren't the Morris twins or once he realized how tall Alex Len is. Just watch.



A few thoughts:
- How sad was it when the announcer said the Lakers were probably losing their "best scorer"? If Nick Young is your best scorer on the floor, then you're probably going to the lottery.

- Gotta love Swaggy P taking a swing at Alex Len, running away when one of the Morris Twins came after him, then swinging at Goran Dragic. Carmelo Anthony's bitch slap and backpedal are proud.

- His hair makes him look like a rooster.

- How long will his suspension be? I'm guessing it won't be over 5 games.

Too Bad The Ref Wasn't Joey Crawford

The Utah Jazz creepy mascot (aren't they all creepy?) decided to do a little dance with an NBA referee last night. The ref took it in stride and at least didn't hit the mascot like Charles Barkley did back in the day to the Denver Nuggets mascot.



Could you imagine if this happened to Joey Crawford? How mortified/angry would he have been? He doesn't like the kids who wipe down the floors imagine what he would have done if this happened to him? Would he have given the Utah Jazz a team technical? Would that surprise you if that happened?

(Via SB Nation)

Video: Van Gundy Needs a Hug

Sideline interviews with Gregg Popovich are must watch TV. I could watch hours on end of scared shitless people interviewing Pop because you never know what you're going to get. Is he happy? Is he angry? Will he give you a hug? Right when you think you have Pop figured out, he zigs instead of zaging. Check out this interview last night with Jeff Van Gundy.



Awwwwww

(Via Eye on Basketball)

Knicks gonna Knick

Another dandy moment for the New York Knicks last night. Watch.



Let's count all the problems with this play:
1. No one helped Beno once Beal blew past him.
2. No one covered the rim.
3. Mike Woodson didn't call a timeout after the play was over.
4. Carmelo Anthony didn't call a timeout once moving past the halfcourt line.
5. Carmelo took an awful shot to end the game.

I complained last year when the Lakers were a mess about how much airtime major networks gave them. I'm not complaining about the Knicks. The Knicks are a disaster I can't look away from. And the best part is that it no of this is their fault. Check out these postgame quotes. They can't point their fingers fast enough at someone else. If Mike Woodson makes to New Year's without being fired I'll be shocked.

Video: Insane, Insane, Insane

What a wild night in the Association last night. It started in Boston when Avery Bradley made this insane shot behind the backboard against the Bucks.....Via Eye on Basketball 



Boston would go on to win that game and later on the night the Celtics would jump from 9th in the Eastern Conference to 4th (I'm not kidding about this) because the Toronto Raptors imploded. I mean the Raptors really imploded. Like they gave up a 64-28 run to the Golden State Warriors to finish out the game and knocked themselves out of the 4th spot. Check out the Warriors 3pt chart in the 4th quarter.

I watched the end of that game and Toronto couldn't grab a rebound if it saved their life. It was quite pathetic to watch the Warriors get 2nd chance opportunity after 2nd chance opportunity. I mean look at that chart, the Warriors did miss shots but because of offensive rebounds the Warriors had a 2nd chance points. The Warriors also didn't take a single midrange jumper in the 4th which I'm sure made the sabermetrics followers in basketball fap.

Just an insane, insane, insane night in the NBA.

Tony Allen Kicks Chris Paul in the Face

Tony Allen is one of the best defenders in the league. He's a lockdown perimeter player who can shut down some of the best guards in the league. One of the ways Tony Allen apparently tries to stop guards is by pulling a Bruce Bowen on them.



Allen was given a flagrant 2 and kicked out of the game. The best part was Allen grabbing his shin like a soccer player after a flop. Memphis wouldn't need Allen because once again Zach Randolph dominated Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan for a 26 and 15 effort.