This is a Bomb

During the Barry Bonds years I saw some huge home runs. Hell last night Alfonso Soriano hit a bomb at AT&T Park. I've never seen someone though hit a home run into the bay from the Center-Right part of the park. Pablo Sandoval did that today against the Cubs. 



Those greedy bastards running the water fountains in right field shot their wad off before Kuiper could finish his home run call. Don't they know Kuiper has an important call? 

Heading For A Long Winter

There are some realities I can take when it comes to sports. Alex Smith will never be a competent starting quarterback. Cal football will never compete for a national championship. The Sharks will eventually lose in the playoffs. I've accepted all of that.

What I cannot except is the fact that so many teams that I cheer for are horrendous offensively. We already know about the Giants offensive ineptness. Did you also know the San Francisco 49ers are also going to be bad defensively? Did you know Cal football is also going to be offensively? Now hopefully I'm wrong about both Cal and the 49ers, but I seriously doubt it.

And that's what so dreadful. I would say I have hope with the Kings, but the NBA is going to be locked out for a while. The Sharks will always score, but I don't trust them in the playoffs. You can only take so much playoff heartbreak before doubting the team yourself.

So that brings me back to the offensive ineptness. How much can one person take? Could you take a year's long worth of bad offense from your favorite teams? It's becoming too much for me. The mere thought of the 49ers and Cal Football sucking this year on offense after watching the Giants since April is stating to make me very melancholy. Maybe I'm starting to become Hamlet?

I had a conversation with my dad before heading out to the Mos Eisley Cantina about Monday night's Giants game. The Giants, who have slumped since the end of July, had their worst game in that stretch Monday. They were two-hit by Randy Wells and Lincecum gave up a career high 3 home runs. It was a low point.

Now This Is How You Troll

Everyone trolls. Especially in the Internet age when it's so easy to hook someone on Twitter or Facebook or on a blog. Justin F. and myself troll each other during Phillies-Giants games. It just happens. This type of trolling though is my favorite. Trolling through a commercial. Notice the Auburn fan delivering the pizza.



Watching this commercial makes me want to buy Old Navy clothes. Good job Old Navy. You're commercial was a success.

(Via Campus Union)

Journey Back Into the Wilderness

When I first starting chronicling my adventures at the Mos Eisley Cantina I talked about the journey into the wilderness that is Jonathon Sanchez. Well after this month long hell the Giants have been in I realized that following any team in contention is a journey into the wilderness. You don't know what direction you're headed or if you're going to be safe.

After another day with the Giants only scoring 1, against the worst team in baseball no less with a pitcher on the mound who was throwing after 3 days of rest, Giants beat writer Andrew Baggarly finally took Giants manager Bruce Bochy to task about playing certain players while sitting certain players. He also said it's time for Bochy to shake up the lineup because right now nothing is working.

Well Bochy shook up the lineup alright, but the lineup he produced on Friday night is downright vomit inducing. The infield looked like this; Tejada, 3B, Orlando Cabrera SS, Jeff Keppinger 2B, and Mark DeRosa 1B. That lineup is like shaking up a bottle of soda and then immediately opening the seal only to have all the soda fizz right out.

I keep telling myself though the Giants have to do better than normal. JA Happ is pitching! Then I remembered. The crappiest pitcher can look like Roy Halladay. So this game will be like any other Giants game. The Giants will get guys on base, but they will be left on base. The Giants pitcher, tonight it's Madison Bumgarner, will pitch well give up a couple of runs and still lose. It's the story of the 2011 San Francisco Giants.

Time for the Colonel and I to journey back into the wilderness that is known as the San Francisco Giants.

The Colonel and I convened at the Mos Eisley Cantina for a burger and beer. We're drinking Mendocino Red Tail Ale's tonight because we need a strong beer to drown out our sorrow. The Bandit has joined us tonight at the bar in a packed house. The Giants game is on the big screen and on the bar TVs. Time to become depressed!

Bitterness Explained

“I’m surprised it hadn’t been done before with all the great teams and great individual hitters that have come throughout the course of the game,” Granderson said.- From the AP recap via Yahoo! Sports.

I listened to a game today that I couldn't stop listening to. I was at work and decided today to listen to an A's game. Even though I was busy the day just kept seem like it was dragging so I listened to the A's in hopes that the day would go by a little faster.

Well just my luck the A's-Yankees game was in a rain delay for 90 minutes. And then when it would finally start, I wouldn't be disappointed one bit.

The Must List: Recipes & Beverages

For two years now I've done a weekly preview of the must watch games in college football. And that will continue for this year as well.

As you may have also noticed, I haven't previewed the upcoming college football season like normal. My excuse is I'm not in school anymore so basically the only chance I get to sit down and post something is when I'm off work or I have a break. My other excuse is because of work, I'm way behind doing my homework on the college football season. I haven't read any previews or really went over which teams will be good or bad this season. Even with Cal I've been behind on the upkeep. So it would be pretty foolish of me to write previews on a season that I really know nothing about.

That however won't stop me from previewing the beverages and food recipes you should try during the college football season. As a part of the Must List, I always include a recipe and beverage of the week. Since I never go out on those Saturday's, I like to cook from home. I also like to pair beverages with my meal. Usually I'll drink a beer but sometimes I'll drink an hard alcohol with the meal. So without further ado, here's some recipes and beverage choices to try out during the season.

Recipes:

Barbequed Ribs: I feel like I can't start off the recipe list without a few items for the grill. After all we still have about another month left in summer which is the perfect time to grill. What I love about this barbequed ribs recipe is the garlic. I could add garlic to almost anything and adding garlic to ribs is something I'm going to have to do.

Grilled Salmon: Admittedly I love fish. I especially love salmon. The pink meat of salmon is right on the top of my fish choices along with Halibut. Now I would prefer my salmon smoked, but that takes way too long to cook. You want something right away. Grill the salmon. The ingredients are simple and it takes no longer than twenty minutes to cook.

George C. Scott Doesn't Like Colin Cowherd

(Programming Note: I'm working on my first Must List of the year. It will be posted tomorrow morning.) 

Mercifully the Hitler meme has been retired. The George C. Scott meme is just beginning though and it's spectacular. George C. Scott is not impressed Colin Cowherd.



I like this new meme already. 

(Via The MZone)

I Have Maryland Pride..............

This morning an earthquake hit the entire eastern seaboard. From Toronto to North Carolina the ground shook. Of course nothing was damaged and everyone panicked because the weanies on the East Coast don't know what an earthquake really feels like. Case in point, Baltimore Ravens receiver Torrey Smith.



In fairness to everyone on the East Coast, when it snows every ten years here in the Sacramento Valley we freak out like the world is going to end. 

A Serious Lack of Hindsight

"'I think when you have a preseason game, when you don't have your regular-season ticket holders coming to the game, I think that plays a big factor into it,' 49ers president Jed York said. He said that's another reason why the NFL wants to eliminate some preseason games in favor of 18 regular-season games."- Jed York via the Sacramento Bee. 

I couldn't be more ashamed that this man owns the football team I cheer for. I'm actually ashamed that entire Clampett clan from Youngstown owns the 49ers. But they're the owners so we have to deal with them even if Jed lacks some serious hindsight.

The quote stems from a serious of shootings and fights at Candlestick Park on Saturday during a 49ers-Raiders game. I've heard every excuse made why these serious of events happen and yet no one will state the real reason why three different incidents took place on Saturday. Candlestick is a dump and the Yorks are too cheap to pay for security.

Candlestick Park has always been a dump but since the Giants left the place is a toilet inside a dump. And for whatever reason, places like that attract the worst humanity. A's fans like to complain that Giants fans who fill AT&T Park are bandwagon fans, and maybe they are, but at least the people at AT&T Park show respect to one another. Sure you have fans there as well that get drunk and talk trash, but they at least keep it civil.

The other problem that Jed is too gutless to talk about, his family is too cheap to pay for more security guards. When you go to the Giants games, there's an usher in every aisle. At Candlestick during 49ers games, there's maybe one usher every five aisles. How can you keep calm with so few ushers/security guards?

A couple of years ago I attended a 49ers game. I counted at least two fights that broke out in the stands. One of the fights ended before any security arrived. And the other fight lasted a least a couple of minutes before a security guard stopped the two idiots. I remember sitting there in my seats thinking, "I'm never returning to this hole again". And I haven't. Not until Jed Clampett realizes he doesn't employ enough security guards. Not until Jed Clampett realizes it's the 49ers faults why these incidents keep happening. 

So go ahead and stop playing the 49ers-Raiders game. Ask for an expanded season to keep the scalpers away. Curb the tailgating at Candlestick. Blame alcohol. Keep lying to yourselves and everyone around you that it was just a Raiders-49ers thing. More of these incidents are going to happen at Candlestick though until the Clampetts hire more security guards. They have no one but themselves to blame.

I'll get off my high horse now.

Bobby Fischer Against the World

As a kid I never played much chess. Chess is for math geniuses and I'm anything but a math genius. After watching the documentary "Bobby Fischer Against the World", I'm glad I never got into chess.

"Bobby Fischer Against the World" takes the viewer into the bizarre world of Bobby Fischer and chess in general. After watching this documentary I didn't know who I felt more sorry for. Bobby Fischer or all chess players who compete in tournaments?

While the documentary spends a good chunk of time talking about Fischer's match against Boris Spassky. The doc also looks at the deteriorating world that was inside Fischer's head and why his mind deteriorated.

Fischer was born to a single mother who lied about who is real father was. Fischer's mother was also never around during his childhood because she was protesting one thing or the other. Fischer's mom also had a huge FBI profile because it was believed she was a communist spy. Bobby Fischer surrounded himself with chess to get away from the craziness that was his mother.

We also learn in the film that the majority of these chess prodigy's grow up to be very paranoid after they leave the chess world behind. So Fischer isn't the only chess player to loose his mind, he's just the most famous one.

After Fischer left the chess world he started attending the Worldwide Church of God and when one of their Rapture moments never came true it sent Fischer's mind even further into paranoia. Fischer was always anti-Semitic, but that event further pushed him to the edge.

Fischer and Spassky would have a rematch in 1992 but the match was in Yugoslavia during their civil war and when the United Nations placed an embargo on even sporting events on that country. Because Fischer broke the law, he could never return to the United States. And from there he's arrested in Japan, moves to Iceland where he has his famous press conference confrontation with ESPN reporter Jeremy Schaap, and then eventually dies from Kidney failure.

After watching "Bobby Fischer Against the World" it made me thankful I was never smart enough to play chess because maybe then I would have also turned into a tortured soul as well.

Darth Lord Goodell Suspends Alex Smith for Jaywalking

While everyone is up in arms about the NFL suspending former Ohio State QB Terrelle Pryor for five games for his sins while at Ohio State, everyone is overlooking the fact that the NFL also suspended San Francisco 49ers QB Alex Smith for Jaywalking. The statement from Commissioner Roger Goodell,

"The NFL is severely disappointed in Mr. Smith for blatantly breaking the law by jaywalking. Sure he was never ticketed or arrested by the police but we won't stand for it. The NFL is a anti-Jaywalking league and Mr. Smith will pay the consequences for his actions. So he'll be suspended for the entire 2011 season." 

What an outrage! Roger Goodell is blatantly using his dictator powers to punish Alex Smith for a crime the law was never going to punish him for! Goodell is like Putin! He uses his power arbitrary and capriciously as long as everyone goes along with the plan!

If we're not careful as a country, Goodell could Coup d'etat the government and suspend the entire country from drinking 2% milk. That's been the plan all along! Goodell is anti-2% milk. Drink Whole Milk and don't jaywalk under the Darth Lord Goodell's Empire!

Accepting Defeat

It has been a week since the Colonel and I convened at the Mos Eisley Cantina. We both had to work late and wouldn't get to the bar until after the Giants game but we still wanted to get together and discuss the Giants current situation and have a quick drink.

We met at 7:30 and the normal crew was in their regular spots. The Boz served us two Coors Banquets and we talked about the Giants mess at the moment.

Before the Giants even played the Braves this evening, damn near everyone on the Giants had to sit out the game because of an injury. Seriously. The only bench players for the Giants were Mark DeRosa and Eli Whiteside. Which is really only one player because DeRosa's wrist could explode at any moment. I mean look at the players injured right now for the Giants against the Braves.

Posey- Out for season
Freddy Sanchez- Out for season
Beltran- Placed on DL
Keppinger- Injured
Rowand- Injured
Schierholtz- Injured

Brian Wilson is also fighting a bad back and the Giants best reliever, Sergio Romo, was placed on the DL. The Giants had to play Tuesday's game against the Braves with Pablo Sandoval at 1st base with Aubrey Huff and Brandon Belt roaming the outfield with Cody Ross at Centerfield. If you can't figure it out, Sandoval, Huff, and Belt all played out of position. The Giants had no choice though. Everyone is fighting injuries.

Delonte West's Home Depot Application

The NBA is locked out and may not return until October 2012. So players are taking their talents to either International basketball leagues or they're going back to school. Some players are even getting regular 9 to 5 jobs, like Delonte West. Delonte has sent an application for a job at Home Depot and I have his application to Home Depot.

Last Name: West First Name: Delonte Middle Middle Initial: M
DOB: July 26, 1983
Location: Boston, Mass 
Highest Education: Saint Joseph's, Never Graduated
Previous Job: NBA Point Guard for the Boston Celtics
References: Gloria James, Doc Rivers, Phil Martelli

Do you have any experience working with hardware?: Sure. I worked on a hardwood floor since I was a small child.

Have you ever been arrested?: Well there was this one time I was arrested on a motorcycle with a guitar case filled with guns. No big deal though.

What do you believe should be your salary and why?: Well I was making millions of dollars in the NBA. And I would still like to make that same amount at Home Depot.

Do you have any questions for us?: When is our lunch break? And will there be hot sauce in my bag?

Jim Harbaugh's Rolodex

Late Sunday afternoon PFT reported that the San Francisco 49ers are bringing in Daunte Culpepper for basically a try out. I guess it took about three seconds on Friday for Jim Harbaugh to realize that not even he could fix Alex Smith. So they're bringing in Culpepper and might even sign him to be a backup/future starter.

This got me thinking though. Why Culpepper? Why not another quarterback? My insider sources tell me that Culpepper wasn't the only QB contacted by Harbaugh. Here are the other QB's in Harbaugh's Rolodex and their responses to Harbaugh asking if they wanted to come to Santa Clara for a try out.

Joe Montana: "I appreciate the offer Jim, but I haven't played football in 15 years. Plus I thew the ball to Brent Jones and Jerry Rice and handed the ball off to Roger Craig. Why would I want to throw to turds like Braylon Edwards?"

(There's commotion out in front of the 49ers Santa Clara. Harbaugh sees that it's Brett Favre holding a sign that says "Will Work For Food" Time for the next call.)

Kurt Warner: "Is Larry Fitzgerald or Torry Holt on the 49ers? If not I'll pass. God bless."

(Favre: "Seriously! I'll work just for food!")

Steve Young: "I'm kind of busy working for ESPN and raising a humongous family."

(Favre: Still out here!)

Donovan McNabb: "Where were you two years ago? I don't need the 49ers now. Keep the line open though about next year at this time."

The Nightmare Team: The Worst San Francisco Giants Of All-Time (Outfield & Pitchers)

I left you off with the worst San Francisco Giants infielders of all-time. Today I take a look at the worst outfielders and pitchers in Giants history. And there were a lot to choose from.

Left Field

Fred Lewis (2006-2009)
Why we hate him: I felt bad for Fred Lewis. The poor guy had the incredible task of replacing Barry Bonds in left field. The poor guy never had a chance. In fact I'm sure there is a Giants fan out there who still thinks Fred Lewis didn't receive a fair chance to establish himself on the team. The fact remains though, Fred Lewis struck out way too much and didn't walk. If that wasn't bad enough, Lewis was an absolute butcher in the field. His UZR in 2007 was -0.3 which is really nothing compared to his UZR of -7.2 last year with the Blue Jays.

Redeemable Quality: There is some poor lonely Giants fan out there with a Fred Lewis with a sad look in his/her face.

Honorable Mention, Mark DeRosa (2010-Present): Has made more money not playing with the Giants.

Centerfield 

Aaron Rowand (2008-Forever)
Why we hate him: Oh there are so many reasons to list why I hate Rowand. From the dumb batting stance that makes him look like he's taking a shit at the plate. To his dumb look on his face when strikes out. To his petition to swing at every slider and always miss. To his big contract. Rowand will go down as one of the worst free agent signings in Giants history.

Redeemable Quality: Rowand is still an above average centerfielder. So he's not a complete waste of money.

Honorable Mention, Marvin Bernard (1995-2003): An honorable mention because he didn't make as much money as Rowand and he gave me an autograph back in the Candlestick days that I still have.

The Nightmare Team: The Worst San Francisco Giants Of All-Time (Infield)

A few years back Down Goes Brown compiled a list of the worst Toronto Maple Leafs of all-time and called it the Nightmare Team. I thought that was an great idea and decided to compile a list of the worst San Francisco Giants of all-time. The Giants very own nightmare team.

Now when I say the worst Giants players of all-time, I really mean the worst players I've ever seen with my own eyes. I'm sure there were some horrific Giants players from the late 70's to the early 80's but I never saw them. Maybe I should have my dad compile the list of worst Giants from 1958-1993.

My list is basically the worst Giants of the Brian Sabean era. And trust me, there has been some horrific Giants players during the Sabean era. Most of them signed as free agents, but also some that were actually drafted by the Giants. So without further ado, here are the worst San Francisco Giants of all-time, the infield.

Catcher

A.J. Pierzynski (2004)
Why We Hate Him: Just the mention of Pierzynski's name and you'll see Giants fans eyes turn red. Pierzynski was a part of the worst trade in Giants history. He was traded for Joe Nathan, Francisco Liriano, and Boof Bonsor which of course was the worst Giants trade in Giants history. In fact Giants GM Brian Sabean never heard the end of this trade until the Giants won the World Series last year.

On the field and at bat Pierzynski was awful. He lead the league in double plays in 2004, had an OBP of .319, Slugging % .410, and an OPS+ 86.

Off the field, Pierzynski may have been one of the worst Giants clubhouse presence ever. He kneed trainer Stan Conte in the groin, was sold out by Giants teammates to the press for being a "cancer", and was despised by Brett Tomko. What made things worse was that after one season with the Giants, Pierzynski signed a contract with the White Sox and immediately won a World Series while Nathan and Liriano became mainstays with the Twins.

Redeemable Qualities: None. The guy was a terrible player and a worse human being.

Honorable Mention, Eliezer Alfonzo (2004-2005): This may not be fair to Alfonzo because he had to replace an injured Mike Matheny, but he was terrible in his time he played for the Giants. In 2004 he may have hit 12 home runs in 87 games but he struck out 74 times with only 9 walks.

The Greatest Baseball Reference Sponsorships

I'm a big fan of Baseball Reference because I can look up players stats and splits. It's also easier in my opinion to read the stats at Baseball Reference over Fangraphs. I also love the fact that Baseball Reference raises money through page sponsorships. Yes you can sponsor a baseball players page on Baseball Reference.

If you sponsor a players page you can also add ridiculous text that can be in reverence of the player or you can mock him. Sponsorships are have also been filled in by bitter A's fans and random websites. So without further ado, here are the greatest Baseball Reference sponsorships. 

Frank Menechino
Sponsor: The Frank Menechino School for the Blind
Comment: The "Frank Menechino School for the Blind" is a specialty school designed for blind people, such as himself, to learn baseball skills and excell at the sport. Ross Gload. 

Mark Kotsay
Sponsor: Jim Thome
Comment: Highly underrated, Mark Kotsay became the best defensive designated hitter in American League history in 2010.

Rusty Kuntz
Sponsor: Ron Erdmann
Comment: Worth every penny. Rusty Kuntz forever!!

1899 Cleveland Spiders
Sponsor: Undernet #Boxing  
Comment: The 1899 Spiders: A bigger zero than the sum of Herbie Hide's pile of money, Victor Julio Salgado's acting abilities, and yet another Shannon Briggs title shot.

Earl Weaver
Sponsor: WaaayBack
Comment: The Earl of Baltimore was the ORIGINAL Sabermetrician. (You're welcome, Bill James.)

What Will Happen With The Other Big 12 Teams?

Texas Gov. Rick Perry says his alma mater, Texas A&M, and the SEC are discussing the Aggies possible future membership in the league, according to a report in the Dallas Morning News.

Perry was asked by reporters from the paper on Wednesday about recent swirling speculation surrounding the move.

"I'll be real honest with you. I just read about it the same time as y'all did. ... As far as I know, conversations are being had. That's frankly all I know. I just refer you to the university and the decision makers over there."- ESPN

I told anyone that I knew that as soon as Texas spurned the Pac-10 last year and created their own network two things would happen. Texas would eventually become an Independent in football in two years, or the rest of the teams in the Big 12 would move to other conferences. Between Texas governor basically saying Texas A&M is gone after this season and the release of the Longhorn Network contract documents, the Big 12 is some serious trouble. 

Since I think it's pretty clear the Big 12 will dissolve after this season where will the rest of the teams of the Big 12 head to after Texas A&M bolts for the SEC? My best guesses.

Kansas & Missouri: Both schools bolt to the Big Not Ten. I doubt Kansas would go to the Big East because they like to dominate conference games in basketball. The Big Not Ten gives Kansas the chance to dominate conference games while Missouri is just happy to stay in a big conference. The Big Ten will continue to call itself the Big Ten even though there are four teams over the limit of ten.

Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, & Kansas State: All four of these school join the Mountain West with that conference becoming a BCS conference with the other additions of Boise State and Hawaii. The four holdovers from the Big XII would give the Mountain West 12 teams, two divisions, and a conference championship game.

Baylor & Iowa State: These two teams will be happy at whatever conference will take them. The WAC is so desperate for teams they've asked Chico State to join their conference even though Chico State hasn't had a football team in decades. Match made in heaven for these teams and that conference.

San Francisco Giants Also Stealing Signs, Still Only Score 1 Run

The Baseball world was turned upside down on Wednesday when an ESPN report surfaced accusing the Toronto Blue Jays of stealing signs. Apparently there is a man hired by the Blue Jays or something wearing all white, sitting in centerfield, relaying signs to the Blue Jays hitters. What ESPN did not mention is that the San Francisco Giants are also stealing signs at their home ballpark. Here's the untold story.

"It ain't easy scoring one run per game," says Bruce Bochy.

From centerfield last weekend Rectum Faced Shane Victorino taunted the Giants players at homeplate while Cliff Lee is on the mound.

"You're only going to score one run, fuckers!" shouted an enraged Rectum Face.

"Oh yeah," shouted Aubrey Huff. "Maybe we'll get shut out by Cliff Lee to prove you wrong!"

The enraged Rectum Face and his methhead comrade Hunter Pence could not believe what they saw at AT&T Park last Thursday. A man dressed in a Crazy Crab mascot uniform was in clear view relaying catcher's signs to the Giants hitters. The man is believed to be a Giants blogger who living at large in someone's basement. He is presumed to look like this.

The Phillies players weren't exactly sure how the man was receiving the signs, but an inside source tells Keith's Sports Journal that Joe Blanton was sitting in the stands next to Crazy Crabby along with a Budweiser, Garlic Fries, and Vance Worley voodoo doll. Crazy Crabby was supposedly doing the Macarena for any breaking pitch and was shouting "Fastball" or "Cutter" for fastballs and cutters.

The bullpen was so fixated on the man, they actually turned away from the action on the field. Brad Lidge even had this look on his face as he saw Joe Blanton allegedly stabbing the Worley voodoo doll in the shoulder.

Walk Off Hit By Pitch

Last night the Indians and Tigers began a three-game series with the Tigers holding a four game lead over the Indians in the AL Central. So even if the Tigers get swept, which honestly wouldn't be surprising, could still hold a one game lead over the Indians after this series is over.

Last night's game to start the series was a complete slopfest that made you wonder if both of these teams are secretly NL West teams. There was a combined 18 men left on base, 3 caught stealing, and 3 double plays. So of course the game went to the 14th inning. Where of course the game was ended with a walk off hit by pitch with the bases loaded. 

I have no idea what is more embarrassing. A walk off hit by pitch or a walk off Balk. And why do I feel like that is the only way a Jim Leyland-lead Tigers team could lose to a division rival with a four-game lead in August?

(.Gif via Jose30/30)

Hypnosis and Lawyering

Ask Bruce Bochy if he has a dip and San Francisco’s skipper offers up a standard response: “I don’t do that anymore.”

Bullpen catcher Bill Hayes answers the same way. Equipment manager Mike Murphy, too.

They’ve reached this point because of hypnotherapist AlVera Paxson, who is developing quite the reputation for helping the reigning World Series champion Giants kick some nasty, decades-old habits.

Bochy hasn’t touched chewing tobacco since April 14, the night before seeing Paxson during his team’s first road trip to Arizona. Hayes has gone without since Jan. 26. It’s two years down for Murphy. No carrying around those little tobacco cans for these three any longer.

Bochy had his doubts when Hayes told him in spring training this year that he had stopped dipping at last following one thorough session with Paxson, a medical hypnotherapist.- Via the AP

"Can this hypnotherapist work on hitters?", I ask the Colonel. "Specifically the Giants hitters?"

"The hypnotherapist isn't a miracle worker, Keith," says the Colonel which elicits a laugh from both Boz and the Bandit.

That cold realization hit me this weekend. The Giants don't have the hitting this year to repeat as champions. Not even a hypnotherapist can help them.

Sure a lot of things could happen in the playoffs. The pitching could be lights out. The defense could not make any mistakes. The hitters could get clutch hits. That was the Giants recipe from last year. This year's Giants team though is vastly different from last years.

Fox Unveils Another Year Of Crappy Announcer Pairings For NFL Games

Michael Hiestand of USA Today reports Fox will announce their announcer pairings for the NFL today. The top three teams of Buck/Aikman, Albert/Johnston/Siragusa, and Brennaman/Billick will remain intact. There are other changes though.

(1) Joe Buck and Troy Aikman; (2) Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, and Tony Siragusa; (3) Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick; (4) Dick Stockton and John Lynch; (5) Chris Myers and Tim Ryan; (6) Ron Pitts and Jim Mora; and (7) Sam Rosen and Chad Pennington.  Newcomer Gus Johnson and Charles Davis will periodically supplement their college football duties with a pro game.

Besides Buck and Aikman, is there one pair in this group that you like? I actually enjoyed the Rosen/Ryan pairing but that's probably because they were basically the 49ers announcers. Now they've been split up. Now there isn't a single pairing besides Buck/Aikman that I would enjoy.

Siragusa ruins the Albert/Johnston pairing. Brennaman and Billick suck. Dick Stockton should be locked in a retirement home. Myers is terrible. I haven't heard Pitts enough to make a judgement. I've always enjoyed Rosen, but he'll probably won't call as many 49ers games anymore. And Gus Johnson won't call an NFL team until October.

So name me one of the Fox pairings you're looking forward to listening to? You can't. So Fox has just unveiled another year of crappy announcer pairings for the NFL games.

(USA Today via PFT)

24 Days Until College Football

EDSBS has been doing a countdown of days left until the college football season begins. It didn't dawn on me that there is only 24 days left until the start of the college football season. 24 days! I haven't paid near enough attention to college football to even know who is good and who is bad. I guess going through the ups and downs of following the Giants this season has taken all my attention away from college football. Pretty soon I'll start posting the must lists again on Thursday's and have open threads up on Saturday's. The dog days of summer are flying by.

Until then, enjoy this video of the 2001 National Championship. I didn't really start paying close attention to college football until this season and in my own eyes that Miami team that won was the greatest team I've ever saw with my own eyes.



You could make arguments that there were other great college football teams, but take a moment and look at the roster Miami had that season. Frank Gore and Willie McGahee barely saw the field because Clinton Portis was so good. Ditto for Kellen Winslow Jr. because of Jeremy Shockey. Ditto for Sean Taylor because of Ed Reed. Hell, Ed Reed didn't even return punts because of Phillip Buchanon. Two of the linebackers were D.J. Williams and Jonathon Vilma. Ken Dorsey was the perfect QB for that team because he never tried to do anything he couldn't.

The 2001 Miami team was the greatest college football team I've ever seen with my own eyes. They were loaded with talent. We'll probably never see a team like this again.

College football is almost back. I can't wait.

The Oral History of the Mos Eisley Cantina, Part III

So far we've talked about how the Boz bought Mos Eisley Cantina and how the Colonel, Grandpa, Senior, and Junior found the bar. It's time to complete the oral history with how the motorcycle gang and the Bandit discovered Mos Eisley.

The Motorcycle gang consists of three middle-aged men named Ace, Johnny, and Red. I was always intimidated to talk with them, but much to my surprise I found out they're really cool guys. In fact they're like Travolta and Tim Allen in that horrible movie 'Wild Hogs'. Ace is actually a dentist. Johnny is a surgeon at Sutter Hospital in Roseville, and Red works for Triple A. They're high school buddies from Lincoln who drive their motorcycles and visit Mos Eisley to get away from their wives.

V. "Don't ever get married son."-Ace

Ace (Dentist): We sound like we hate our wives, but we really don't. We just like to get away from them every once in a while.

Johnny (Surgeon): Ace won't admit, but he hates his wife.

Red (Triple A employee): Can we get back on topic?

Ace: Yes we should. We started coming to Mos Eisley about six years ago when we decided to buy motorcycles. We needed to find a place to hang out for a couple of hours every once in a while and we liked the sight of this place when we drove by. We immediately liked the place because it looks like a dump from the outside. Once you go inside though you'll find there is a great charm to the place.

Johnny: I live in Loomis and would drive by Mos Eisley everyday. I told the other guys we should go in try the Cantina.

Red: I'm a picky drinker and it was too my delight that Boz served red wine along with sapphire martini's.

Ace: Yes we're ashamed to sit with a guy who drinks red wine in a bar.

The Oral History of the Mos Eisley Cantina, Part II

We left off with the oral history of the Mos Eisley Cantina talking about how Boz bought the bar and how the Colonel discovered the bar. Today I look at how Grandpa and the war vets father and son tandem discovered the bar.

When I first started frequenting Mos Eisley Cantina I noticed this old man sitting at the corner of the bar by himself drinking a Vodka cranberry. I call him Grandpa because he looks just like the Grandpa from the Munsters. I'm pretty sure his grandson is Eddie Munster Billy Donovan. Before I get sidetracked, I always wanted to know Grandpa's backstory. I discovered he has quite the story, to at least me.

III. "The cranberry helps me digest my meals and the Vodka gives me a buzz."-Grandpa

Grandpa (Retired PG&E Employee): I started frequenting the Mos Eisley Cantina before the Boz bought the bar. The PG&E crew that I worked with would come here after work and have drinks. I've been coming back ever since even though while my former co-workers stopped coming because they're either dead or retirement homes.

Boz: I remember when I would come in here as a patron and see Grandpa sitting in the corner. Back then though he drank Budweiser.

Grandpa: I started drinking Vodka Cranberry's about five years ago because my doctor told me I shouldn't drink as much beer because it was making me fatter. The doctor said the cranberry is good for my blood pressure and the Vodka is less fattening. I really think the doctor is full of crap though. I drink the Vodka Cranberry's because I think they taste good.

Boz: If I remember correctly, Grandpa was once married but I believe his wife passed away about five years ago and their one child lives in Kansas. And that's the real reason why he comes back every day for he's not lonely, because he's not an drunk. I know what drunk's look like.

Grandpa: My beautiful wife died of ovarian cancer six years ago. Back then we actually lived in Lincoln. The Boz was always friendly with me and didn't mind that I took up one of the places at the bar drinking at the most four Vodka Cranberry's a day. So I eventually moved in a semi-retirement home/apartment in Rocklin which is right down the road from Mos Eisley for I can be closer to the bar. My wife and I had one daughter who now lives in Kansas teaching anthropology at Wichita State living with her husband and two children. We visit each other about three times a year and we call each other at least once a week for I can keep in touch with her and the grandchildren.

The Oral History of the Mos Eisley Cantina, Part 1

(Ed Note: For whatever the reason oral history's have been in vogue lately. The new Grantland site did an oral history not to long after it launched. SI did an oral history on the movie Major League. I also saw an oral history on Michael Bay. So with that I decided to do an oral history on the Mos Eisley Cantina. This is part 1 of a 3 part series. As with my other Mos Eisley Adventures stories, everyone will be given a code name to protect their identities.)

The Mos Eisley Cantina is a small bar near Sierra Community College in Rocklin, California about twenty miles to the east of Sacramento off of highway 80. The bar is owned and operated by a 40-something man named Boz. The usual inhabitants of the bar besides myself and the Boz are the Colonel, the Bandit, along with Grandpa, Senior & Junior, and the motorcycle gang that consists of Ace, Johnny, and Red. These are the people who make the Mos Eisley Cantina what it is today. This is their story and how they discovered the Mos Eisley Cantina and why they keep coming back.

I. "I wanted to create a 'Cheers' type of environment, where everyone is friendly and the booze is cold."-Boz 

Boz (Bar owner & operator): I grew up in the Sacramento area, specifically in West Sacramento. I was an diesel mechanic for about 15 years working on big rigs for a mechanic shop in Rocklin. I would frequent the Mos Eisley Cantina myself before I was the owner. I always loved the place. The wood bar with wood stools. It had a certain charm to it. Like I was sitting in an Old West saloon.

Mrs. Boz (Wife, Co-owner): Oh the Boz. He was never happy as an mechanic. He kept talking about how he wanted to buy a bar himself. I thought he finally lost his mind. And then it happened. The owners of the Mos Eisley Cantina put the bar up for sale eleven years ago. I just know the Boz couldn't pass up the opportunity to buy the place. It was his dream to own a bar and he always loved the Mos Eisley Cantina. I knew I couldn't stand in his way.

Boz: As soon as I heard the Mos Eisley Cantina was put up for sale, I immediately went to Bank of America to get a loan. I knew I had good credit and the money to make the down payment so I was confident the bank would give me the loan. Once I told them about my business plan and how I was going to repay the loan. And I was approved!

Mrs. Boz: The best part of the deal is the former owners just wanted to get rid of the place so we bought the bar on a discount. The Boz wanted to make some repairs to the place, so the Mos Eisley Cantina didn't re-open until New Year's Eve, 2001.

Boz: The grand opening on New Year's Eve was better than expected. The place was filled to the brim with everyone drinking champagne. We haven't looked back since.

Falling Down

Another night at the Mos Eisley Cantina on another dog day of summer. The guys aren't watching Travolta movies but I could hear the Colonel in the background walking up to the bar lecturing everyone on the fall of the Ottoman Empire.

You see the Colonel is very fascinated about the Ottoman Empire because he loves the movie Lawrence of Arabia which of course is based on T.E. Lawrence's efforts to help Arab Revolt against the Ottoman Empire. When I walk into the bar I could hear the Colonel lecturing the bar about Religion in the great Empire.

"Christians and Jews were second class citizen in the Ottoman Empire," says the Colonel as I walk up, greet the other patrons, and order a beer. "Christians and Jews couldn't carry weapons or testify against Muslims in a court of law. And some Christian boys were conscripted into the Muslim faith in a system known as Devsirme of Blood Tax."

"Christians though were able to worship to their own religion. The Empire was tolerant towards the Christians and Jews."

"Is there a point to this conversation?" I say because I've heard these stories many times before.

Travolta & Roller Coasters

I arrived at the Mos Eisley Cantina a half and hour before the Giants-Diamondbacks game on Monday night only to find the bar empty with only the Colonel and Boz occupying the place. I walked up, sat down, exchange pleasantries, and immediately noticed the guys were watching the movie "Swordfish" on AMC instead of the pregame on CSN Bay Area.

"Why are you guys watching this?" I ask curiously.

"Because we're both fascinated with post-Pulp Fiction John Travolta," replies the Colonel.

"Look at some of the movies he played in post Pulp Fiction," says Boz. "There's Broken Arrow, Face/Off, The General's Daughter, and Swordfish. Some interesting choices."

"You know what," I say. "Those movies may not be Oscar worthy, but you can't say they aren't entertaining."

"Also half of those movies Travolta plays the bad guy," says the Colonel. "I don't know why, but I always found Travolta playing a bad guy humorous. The guy played Danny in Grease and movie studios are expecting us to buy Travolta as a bad guy? I think it's one big joke and Travolta is in on it. He's been punking us before Ashton starting banging Demi."

NFL Network Is Slowly Killing NFL Films

I've always had a love for history. From California history to world history. I love it all. I especially love sports history. That's why I always loved NFL Films. Where else could you learn about the "Ice Bowl" or the "Immaculate Reception"? NFL Films also had their follies series which I loved. So that's why it makes me sad to read an article about the slow death of NFL Films by the NFL Network.

Its budget has been slashed, its workforce has been gutted by two rounds of layoffs and buyouts, and it essentially has been reduced to an assembly line for cheap, quick-turnaround content for the NFL Network, which, 8 years into Bornstein's tenure, remains barely watchable.

Most of the signature programming that made Films so distinctive has been eliminated by Bornstein/Katz because it was determined to be either too costly or too yesterday or both.

Leave it to a couple of ESPN rejects to slowly kill NFL Films. I'm surprised Mark Shapiro isn't running the NFL Network.