Jim Harbaugh's Rolodex

Late Sunday afternoon PFT reported that the San Francisco 49ers are bringing in Daunte Culpepper for basically a try out. I guess it took about three seconds on Friday for Jim Harbaugh to realize that not even he could fix Alex Smith. So they're bringing in Culpepper and might even sign him to be a backup/future starter.

This got me thinking though. Why Culpepper? Why not another quarterback? My insider sources tell me that Culpepper wasn't the only QB contacted by Harbaugh. Here are the other QB's in Harbaugh's Rolodex and their responses to Harbaugh asking if they wanted to come to Santa Clara for a try out.

Joe Montana: "I appreciate the offer Jim, but I haven't played football in 15 years. Plus I thew the ball to Brent Jones and Jerry Rice and handed the ball off to Roger Craig. Why would I want to throw to turds like Braylon Edwards?"

(There's commotion out in front of the 49ers Santa Clara. Harbaugh sees that it's Brett Favre holding a sign that says "Will Work For Food" Time for the next call.)

Kurt Warner: "Is Larry Fitzgerald or Torry Holt on the 49ers? If not I'll pass. God bless."

(Favre: "Seriously! I'll work just for food!")

Steve Young: "I'm kind of busy working for ESPN and raising a humongous family."

(Favre: Still out here!)

Donovan McNabb: "Where were you two years ago? I don't need the 49ers now. Keep the line open though about next year at this time."


(Favre: "How many pictures of my weiner do I have to send to you for a try out?")

Vince Young: "No thanks. I have to learn clock management from Andy Reid first."

(Favre: (Weeping) "I'm still here.")

Joey Harrington: "I have a great life without football now. I play the piano regularly and I host a radio show. So, no thanks sir."

(Favre: "Seriously? You were going to ask Harrington if he wanted to try out for the team over me?")

Chad Henne: "Miami fans will eventually come around Jim."

Tim Tebow: "My destiny is become the Broncos starting quarterback just like Moses in Egypt."

Carson Palmer: "I just escaped the talons of Mike Brown. Why would I want to go running into the talons of another Ohio moron?"

Johnny Unitas: "It's going to be kind of hard for me to play for the 49ers since I'm dead and all."

(Favre: Continues weeping)

Jeff Garcia: "You didn't want me after 2003! I don't need you know!"

Daunte Culpepper: "Yes. I would love a try out. I've been playing at shitty Hornet Stadium for the past year in a third rate league for a bat shit crazy coach. At this point I just want to be in the NFL. I don't care if I have to be the backup to Alex "I can't complete a screen pass" Smith or Colin "I've never taken a snap under center" Kappernick. I just want to play in the NFL again. I'll see you in Santa Clara on Monday."

(Favre: (Throws up arms) "You're bringing in him for a tryout? Fine I'll go wait on the doorsteps of Miami. They need a quarterback.")