After listening to Cris Collinsworth slobber all over Tom Brady last night I imagined him reading a story to children called "The Book of Tom Brady". Here's that story:
"Hello children let me tell you the greatest story every told. One that you won't believe and will tell your own children one day. It's the story of Tom Brady.
In the beginning when Tom Brady created the heavens and earth he said, "let there be light!" And then there was light.
And then Tom Brady created the light and dark days. And Tom Brady would then decide to lose games at night because he was feeling charitable.
And then Tom Brady created the sky. You have always wondered why the sky is blue? Well the sky is blue because it's Tom's favorite color to go along with his Ugg boots.
And then Tom Brady created the seas for his private yacht. That yacht by the way you will never be allowed on because you're a weakling. You hear me? a weakling!
On the fourth day Tom Brady created mornings for him to drink expensive coffee with his no ass supermodel wife. And then he created the nights to make babies to populate the world with his genius and good looks.
On the fifth day Tom Brady created human life. Or mankind as you would know it. So you can thank Mr. Brady for creating your wonderful. And while you're thanking him, kiss his feet because you're human waste and he's the greatest of all time.
Tom Brady blessed human kind and said, "You're all weaker than me but go on and live your miserable lives. I'll be here on top of a mountain making love to my wife every day in Ugg boots. And if I hear one vile comment on my boots, I will smite you with lightning." He really is a great guy.
On the sixth day Tom Brady will blow a snot rocket while the rest of the stadium is mourning the loss of innocent children in a senseless slaying. Because deep down children just get in his way to the Ugg store.
On seventh day Tom Brady said everyone should rest. "Watch as I play and then lose in Super Bowls to Eli Manning. Don't worry though everyone will forget about these losses and still think I'm better than Joe Montana which I'm not because Montana would have never lost to Eli Manning."
And that is the greatest story ever told children."
Thankfully for the viewers, videos were taken this weekend of all the important events of the Super Bowl. Here are the videos of the weekend.
The Madonna halftime show was probably everything people expected it to be and more. It was weird, but mostly enjoyable. Much better than The Who or the Black Eyed Peas. One of the weirder moments when it appeared that M.I.A. flipped off the camera. Take a look for yourself and see if M.I.A. really did flip off the screen. (Via The Big Lead)
The key moment of the Super Bowl to me was this Wes Welker drop. The Patriots were driving and killing clock and then Welker dropped this ball what would have been a first down and a chance for the Patriots to kill clock. As soon as he dropped that ball I knew the Giants won the Super Bowl because of the lucky horseshoe planted in that teams ass. (Via The Big Lead)
That drop passed lead to my favorite video of the weekend. Gisele blaming the Patriots receivers for the Patriots loss. Nice to know a supermodel is just as bitter as us regular fans. I wonder if she sent Welker any death threats via Twitter like 49ers fans did to poor Kyle Williams? (Via The Big Lead)
The New England Patriots are coming off a rough year in multiple ways. Not only were they suffering an 18-1 hangover, but Week 1, they lost Tom Brady for the season with an injury. That being said, Tom Brady is back this year and the New England Patriots are set to once again be the New England Patriots. But is Tom Brady the same QB he was a year and a half ago? And are the New England Patriots the same team that they were a year and a half ago? Randy Moss is not getting any younger and with the improved strength of the overall AFC East over the past few years may present a tough ride for the Patriots.
The Return Of Brady: Sadly, Tom Brady is back with the Patriots. and even more sad is that he may make his unofficial return to the football field this Sunday against my beloved Eagles. For his sake, it is certainly a good thing that Trent Cole will not be playing in that game. Then again, Brodrick Bunkley and Mike "Baby Sapp" Patterson most likely will be. But there are certainly questions surrounding the once untouchable superstar, including the question of will he be the same QB he was before the injury. Those surgeries can do some pretty crazy things to you, just look at Carson Palmer. And while it's true that he does not have near the same supporting cast that Brady does, Carson Palmer, in my view, has not reached the level he was playing at before the injury.
The Brady Bunch: Don't groan! You guys would have gone with the same pun as I did. But now that we discussed Brady, why not discuss his whole Bunch of backs and receivers. For starters, there is Randy Moss. As I said above, he is not getting any younger and questions loom as to whether his prime has come and gone. But even if it has, there is still a dynamic nature to Randy Moss that results in him being very dangerous to defenses around the league and if Brady can still get the ball to him like he did in 07, this could be a dangerous combo. The Pats have found a replacement for Dante Stallworth and his name is Joey Galloway. And while he is at the end of his career, don't count him out. Injuries last year caused him to not be effective, not old age. I've seen what Joey Galloway can still do when he is healthy and belive me, it is not a pretty site. And seeing as I like to laugh at the Pats all I can say is HAHAHAHAHA! PATS GOT GREG LEWIS! Expect to see 5 deep passes thrown to him this year and expect him to drop all 5. Or for his sake, maybe he'll suffer Jabar Gaffney Syndrome. Pats would love that. And now the RBs: Now the Pats have Fred Taylor. Oy ve. Same thing as Galloway: this guy can still get the job done. Add that to Sammy Morris and the aging yet always effective Kevin Faulk, and this is not an offense I would want to mess with.
The Curious Case Of Tom Brady's Back-Up: Matt Cassel is now a Kansas City Chief. So now, what to do with Tom Brady's back-up? Oh, what to do? Even though Cassel had not started a game since high school before coming in for Brady last year, he was in the system for quite a few years and was familiar with the players and personnel so the transition was much easier. Now they just have 2nd year man Kevin O'Connell to back-up Brady in case tragedy strikes Foxboro again. This is the part where I'd question if he can get the job done, but seriously, the Pats turned a kid who had taken a snap since high school to stardom, I think these guys know what they're doing. And as much as I hate to admit this and as much as I hate the Pats (so much so that I openly rooted for the Giants that fateful night in Glendale), I was sort of rooting for Cassel to do well. Then again, if he threw 6 TD passes and the Pats lost 45-42 through no fault of Cassel, that would have been the perfect scenario for me.
The D: Goodbye Mike Vrabel and Rodney Harrison. Hello Jarod Mayo and Leigh Bodden. The question is though are those upgrades? I would be inclined to say yes, they are. The Patriots are not stupid, they know what they are doing. Vrabel and Harrison were way up there in terms of age and Mayo and Bodden are a lot younger and may be just as good as Vrabel and Harrison would be now (not in their primes, though). The bottom line is if Brady and the offense can be successful and score points, even if it is not a repeat of 2007, then this defense will have little to worry about. Unlike some teams, the Pats do not need an awesome defense to win the Super Bowl. Actually, if Brady is healthy and the offense comes through, this could be your AFC Super Bowl contender. And that's if the defense is middle of the road this year.
Video: This never gets old!
Despite his crappy call of the Tyree catch, I thought that Joe Buck redeemed himself a bit with a great call of the Burress TD. I honestly swear I'm one of the few who does not think that he's an awful announcer. He's not my favorite, but I have a tolerance for him (more so on football than baseball where he is mediocre at best).
Prediction: 12-4, 1st place AFC East. If Brady stays healthy, that is. Their schedcule has it's stretches including playing what I feel is a very tough AFC South division. More on this later, but that is my pick for Division Of The Year. And they also open against Buffalo, @ New York Jets, and against Atlanta and Baltimore. Those are 4 playoff contenders right there. The Pats won't be perfect this season. They may not even be the last unbeaten team this year. But they will win the AFC East and in all likelihood will be the #1 or #2 seed in the AFC. It kills me to say it, but there's a difference between hope and reality.
During Day 2 of the NFL Draft yesterday, ESPN were all over former Michigan St. quarterback Brian Hoyer. They had camera in his house as he watched the draft on his television. Well why the draft was going on and more-and-more names were being chosen, Hoyer had to sit there and wonder when it was going to be his turn. I felt bad for the guy sitting there while the whole world watches his disappointment.
He was never drafted, but he did sign as a free agent, with the New England Patriots. Imagine that, Hoodie thinks something off this kid. He might be the luckiest quarterback coming into the league. He gets to go to a team that can compete every year in the playoffs and he might have the chance to be the backup quarterback. The Patriots traded away Matt Cassel, so Tom Brady doesn't have a backup. And if Tom Brady's knee doesn't hold up, Hoyer could see some action.
Here is what Hoyer had to say about his draft day experience:
Hearing good buzz, the St. Ignatius and Michigan State grad originally agreed to the setup thinking he could go in the third or fourth round today. Once those rounds passed without him being chosen, "I thought, 'Oh my God, this is bad,'" Hoyer said tonight.
He also added this.
"They've had a lot of success with day two quarterbacks," Hoyer said, knowing Tom Brady was a sixth-rounder and Matt Cassel, who stepped right in when Brady went down last season then was traded to Kansas City this offseason, was a seventh-round pick. "And I thought what a better player to learn from than the best quarterback in the game."
Well I am glad to see everything worked out for him. Word of advice to future NFL quarterbacks, never let ESPN camera's in you house again.
Also the 49ers signed alcohol loving offensive lineman Alex Boone.
Ohio State's Boone signs with San Francisco, Michigan State's Hoyer with New England (Plains-Dealer)
I guess Bill Belichick is a pretty cool guy once he is away from football. This video features Belichick, Charlie Weis, and Bon Jovi singing at a charity benefiting Weis' foundation 'Hannah & Friends.'
Hannah & Friends is an organization Weis and his wife setup for children with learning disorders.
Say what you want about either Belichick or Weis, you have to admit that was pretty cool. They are on stage with Bon Jovi singing 'Wanted Dead or Alive'. The guys from 'Deadliest Catch' would approve.
According to NFL.com Adam Schefter, the Kansas City Chiefs have traded for New England quarterback Matt Cassel. Former Patriots employee now Chiefs GM Scott Pioli orchestrated the trade for both Cassel and Mike Vrabel for a 2ND round draft pick.
Cassel who started 15 games for the Patriots after Tom Brady went down with an knee injury. Cassel was placed with the franchise tag by the Patriots during the off season, will likely now sign a new deal with the Chiefs.
I like this move for the Chiefs. I didn't see Brodie Croyle or Tyler Thingpen as future NFL starters. Cassel is still unproven and was benefited with a great supporting cast in New England. At least with the Chiefs though he will probably have tight end Tony Gonzalez, receiver Dwayne Bowe, and offensive coordinator Chan Gailey. So he will be provided with some weapons with the Chiefs.
Just a good move all around for Kansas City. They get an NFL ready starting quarterback, a veteran linebacker, and they didn't have to give up their 1st round pick for them.
