September 4, 2013

NFL Predictions

I'll say this about the NFL offseason, once training camps start the month of August always seems to fly by. I'm being serious here. Since NFL camps opened the month of August felt like it flew by and here we are. The NFL season is a day away from starting.

With the start of the season I'm going to make some predictions. Not definite predictions like who'll win what division and what award. Just goofy predictions like I've done for college football a couple of weeks ago. Maybe I'll get lucky and correctly predict a few things but I'm sure they'll mostly be horrible.

The Arizona Cardinals Won't Be The Surprise Team: I can't believe people actually think this team is going to surprise anyone this season. Carson Palmer is their fucking quarterback. I repeat, Carson Palmer is the Cardinals quarterback. Has anyone seen Palmer play football in the past 4 seasons? He's horrible. He was too bad for the Raiders! The Raiders! And they're going to be the surprise team of the season? Sorry if I don't take them seriously.

Ron Rivera Will Be The First Coach Fired: It's never a smart idea to hire a new GM but keep the old coach. It's just a recipe for disaster. Add to the fact the Panthers didn't really improve themselves on offense (their receiving core is dreadful) and it wouldn't surprise me if Rivera is the first coach fired this season. Another factor going against Carolina is the fact their bye week is so early in the season. This is a team that won't be rested for a stretch when they play Atlanta, San Francisco, and New England in the middle of the season and Rivera* will be gone.

*Jets owner Woody Johnson is too in love with Rex Ryan to fire him in the middle of the season. He enjoys the circus and that's why I'm not predicting Ryan will be fired in the middle of the season.

This Will Be Jay Cutler's Last Season in Chicago: If you're Jay Cutler, why would you want to return to Chicago if the offensive line isn't improved unless you hate yourself? Yeah Cutler will definitely be in Chicago next season so never mind.

RG3 Will Get Shanahan Fired: This has been a circus since RG3's knee exploded in January. There's back and forth between Shanahan and RG3 on whether he's healthy or not, about snaps in the preseason, everything. I just don't see this relationship lasting after this season. Snyder is in love with RG3, not Shanahan. And if RG3 gets anymore annoyed with him then he's gone by the end of the season.

The Broncos Will Win The AFC West by Default: Have you seen this division? The Raiders aren't even going to announce their starting quarterback until game day. The Chiefs are relying on Alex Smith. The Chargers are still trotting out Antonio Gates but hey at least Norv is gone. The Broncos are going to win this division by default.

The Colts Won't Make The Playoffs This Season: The Colts had an historically easy schedule last season and motivation from their coach's cancer story. That all goes away. Gone is the easy schedule. Gone is the Chuckstrong good vibes. Reggie Wayne is older. Dwight Freeney is gone. They're not making the playoffs this season.

The AFC North Will Be A Grease Fire: Pittsburgh is older. Cleveland is still Cleveland. Baltimore has lost a lot on defense. I don't trust Cincinnati. Now all this being said I wouldn't be surprised if two teams come out of this division for the playoffs, but it's not going to be pretty.

The Patriots Will Win the AFC East, But It Won't Be Pretty: Speaking of not being pretty and winning a division by default, the Patriots will win this joke of an division again. The Jets are imploding. The Bill are starting Tuel. The Dolphins are still rebuilding. Pats win this division by default.

ESPN Won't Be Able To Help Themselves With The Jets: ESPN just can't help themselves. They just have to cover every aspect of this team. This morning alone they're debating whether Rex Ryan made the right choice watching his kid play football at Clemson on Saturday night. It was Ryan's off-day. And with Tebow gone, ESPN will be going hard on Ryan and the Jets all season.

Chiefs Fans Will Turn On Alex Smith by Week 10: Chiefs fans are in for a rude awakening with Alex Smith. They're happy now because he isn't Matt Cassel or Brodie Croyle but they'll soon find out he ain't nothing special. Smith is the definition of a limited quarterback. He can barely throw deep and his close passes are only completed about half the time. I've never seen someone who threw over a running back's head on a screen as many times as Smith did in San Francisco. Frank Gore mastered the slumpy shoulders because of Smith. Chiefs fans will turn on Smith when they realize he ain't anything special by Week 10. Smith's only saving grace is that the Chiefs schedule isn't that tough.

The Niners Will Have To Score A Lot Because Their Defense Won't Be As Good: The Niners defense scares the shit out of me. Oh sure their linebackers are fine but the rest of the defense is scary and not in a good way. Two of their defensive backs are older (Rodgers & Whitner), they're starting a rookie at safety and have very little depth. And then we get to the defensive line. What happens if Justin Smith gets hurt again? Aldon Smith was never the same after Justin got hurt. He's the key to their entire defense and he's getting older. I apologize if this scares me but it does. I just don't like their defense like I did a couple of seasons ago. They're still good enough to win the division but it's going to be tough.

Quick Predictions
Coaches Fired Midway Through the Year or After The Season: Dennis Allen (Raiders), Ron Rivera (Panthers), Ryan Ryan duh (Jets), Mike Shannahan (Redskins), and Jason Garrett (Cowboys). I'm sure there will be some surprise firings at the end of the year.

QB's Benched Some Time This Season: Josh Freeman (Bucs), Carson Palmer (Cardinals), Sam Bradford (Rams), Geno Smith/Mark Sanchez (Jets), Jeff Tuel (Bills)

Enjoy the season!


  1. Matt McGloin will end up being the Raiders starting QB by the time Halloween comes around. It's going to go that well for us this year.

  2. I still think Ryan will be the first coach fired or even Jim Schwartz. Ron Rivera would be third on my list.

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