January 16, 2013

Fake AP: Kings Win Classic Game Against Washington 50-48

(The Kings play the Wizards tonight in Sacramento. Here's what I imagine the AP recap will look like after the game.)

Sacramento (AP)-- The Sacramento Kings and the Washington Bullets Generals Wizards played a game last night that will be talked about for decades seconds.

"I can't believe what I just witnessed," said a depressed Washington coach Randy Wittman. "I can't believe I gave up drinking for this."

And boy howdy. The Kings and Wizards combined for more turnovers than points in the game (100 turnovers, 98 points) with John Wall and Aaron Brooks combining for 50 turnovers each.

"Not many people can say they had a night like myself," said Wall. "You turn the ball over 50 times and people are going to notice."

"I'm just trying to win," said Brooks. "I'm all about the 'W' and will do anything to help my team win."

The opening tip set the tone for the night when the Kings Demarcus Cousins sent the ball flying into the stands. From there the Kings and Wizards traded turnovers until the Kings scored the first basket of the night after 8 minutes of nothing. Then both teams began trading turnovers once again and that would be the theme throughout the night.

"I'll say this, at least my team was consistent tonight," said Kings coach Keith Smart. "I'm glad we were able to escape with the 'W'."

Both the Kings and Wizards continued to trade turnovers and few points the rest of the night until there was 8 minutes left in the game. John Salmons scored the last basket of the night at the 8:16 point in the night and would stall the rest of the game, holding onto the ball for the entire 24-second shot clock before turning over the ball for a shot clock violation.

"Here was my strategy," said Smart. "After we had taken the lead I told the team just hold onto the ball for every possession. The Wizards treated the ball like it was a bomb all night long so I rolled the diced and told the team to hold onto the ball and just had it to the ref after the 24 seconds was up."

A unique strategy that lead to a Sacramento victory. Hopefully I never see a game like this again because the AP doesn't pay me enough to watch this crap.

Fuzzy Dunlap is in his 15th year covering the NBA for the AP. 

1 comment:

  1. Forgot to talk about Smart's goofy rotations and this post would have been perfect.