April 5, 2012

Breaking News: Detroit Tigers Trade For Mark Reynolds

Breaking News: The Detroit Tigers have traded a minor league prospect and cash considerations to the Baltimore Orioles for Mark Reynolds in an apparent attempt to get Jim Leyland to break the record for the most cigarettes smoked in a single season.

"We would have been happy receiving a bag of balls and a bucket of sunflower seeds for Reynolds," replied Orioles general manager Dan Duquette.

The Tigers are also trying to set an MLB record by fielding the most butchers in the infield in a single season. With this trade Miguel Cabrera will now move to 2nd base and Brandon Inge will move to shortstop with Prince Fielder continuing to play at first base.

"You think Cabrera will be bad at third base," says Tigers manager Jim Leyland "you obviously have never seen Mark Reynolds attempt to defend the hot corner. Now will someone give me a cigarette."

Mark Reynolds last year had a major league worst -30.3 UZR and has never had a UZR above -0.6. Combined with the fact that Cabrera had a negative UZR last year and the Tigers infield defense could be considered the worst ever this year.

Major League Baseball though is considered altering their rules just for the Tigers infield this season.

"We're looking at altering some of the rules just for the Detroit Tigers," said MLB commissioner Bud Selig. "We're considering adding netting on the edge of the outfield grass just for Detroit's infield."

Vegas is placing an over/under on errors by the Tigers infield at 150.


3 comments:

  1. No matter what, Rod Allen would spin this as a positive for the Tigers.

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    1. "The 99 Mets had the greatest infield of all-time? I don't think so!"- Rod Allen

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  2. Also late breaking news, MLB Network and CBS Sports Insider Jon Heyman is reporting that the Tigers are close to acquiring CF-RF Alex Rios and C A.J. Pierzynski from the rival White Sox for CF Austin Jackson and C Alex Avila. Some members, including Assistant G.M. Al Avila are befuddled by the thought of giving away young talent at premier defensive positions, but sources tell Heyman a different story. "Mr. Ilitch was at the Shrine Circus at Hart Plaza in January and was astounded by the huge crowds in heated tents despite sub-zero weather," a source says. "Ilitch has dollar signs in his eyes. 'Detroit fans were amazed by the juggling, so why not have 81 games of outfield juggling (Rios and also awful Delmon Young in left) and a catcher that bounces throws to 2nd base like a point guard (Pierzynski)?' We could have shows 365 days a year!"
    The trade would also precipitate a move for Ryan Raburn back to his natural position in the outfield.
    Money also seems to be a factor as well, with the discovery of Brandon Inge's $35 million dollar balloon payment due before May 1st in a secret deal he signed shortly after the club signed Ivan Rodriguez in 2004, moving Inge from catcher to the infield.

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