ZIM BEAR WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES

HI MY NAME IS THE ZIM BEAR AND I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES BUT FIRST SOME INTRODUCTIONS.

I'M A STUFFED DON ZIMMER IN A BEAR COSTUME. I'LL BE GIVEN AWAY JUNE 29TH AT THE DEODORANT CAN STADIUM BEFORE THE RAYS-TIGERS GAME.YES I'LL BE GIVEN AWAY TO SPECIFICALLY TO SCARE THE PISS OUT OF RJBO. (Just kidding I'm just a creepy bear.)

WHEN I'M NOT LOOKING CREEPY I LIKE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH AND BEING SHOVED INTO THE SAND BY PEDRO MARTINEZ. I ENJOY THE OLD PEOPLE HERE IN THE TAMPA REGION BECAUSE WELL I AM AN OLD PERSON. I MEAN TAKE ONE LOOK AT ME. DON'T I LOOK DEAD? DIDN'T YOU THINK DON ZIMMER WAS DEAD ALREADY? SHOCKING I KNOW.

NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL-TIME BECAUSE LIKE FREDDY I HAUNT AND THEN KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. I DON'T USE RAZOR BLADE FINGERS TO KILL MY VICTIMS THOUGH, I USE THE BEAR HUG. GET IT? THE BEAR HUG! I CRACK MYSELF UP ALL THE TIME.


SO WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT AGAIN? OH YEAH HOW I KILL PEOPLE. I KILL PEOPLE WITH HUGS AND LOVE. THIS IS AN ANGRY WORLD WE'RE LIVING IN TODAY AND FOR AN OLD MAN LIKE MYSELF IT QUITE FRANKLY DISTURBS ME. SO MY SOLUTION TO THE WORLD? HUGS. HUGS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.

I GIVE HUGS IN PEOPLES DREAMS BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP, UNLESS YOU'RE ROOMMATES WITH DEREK JETER THEN YOU'LL NEVER GET ANY SLEEP.* SO WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING I COME INTO YOUR NIGHTMARES AND GIVE YOU BIG OLE ZIM BEAR HUG. THEN YOU'LL WAKE UP NICE AND RELAXED.

*I didn't sleep at all in 1998 when I was roommates with Jeter. That guy screams louder than the skank he's with. 

ZIM BEAR WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED THROUGHOUT THE BASEBALL SEASON ON THE PEOPLE THAT NEED HUGS IN BASEBALL. YOU KNOW PEOPLE LIKE JIM LEYLAND, OZZIE GUILLEN, MILTON BRADLY AND MANY MORE.

XOXO ZIM BEAR

(Via Big League Stew)