I love Phil Chenier somberly saying "No, no, no." And I thought the Kings had some dumbasses on their team. JaVale definitely takes the cake. Now go on and read the rest of this entry and try to imagine the terribleness of both of these teams while reading.
Nothing quite screams fun on a Wednesday night like watching two of the worst teams in the NBA square off. Keith is a Kings fan and I "root" for the Wizards, so it seemed like a good idea to check in on what should be a forgettable night in the NBA. All the gory details after the jump:
Kings at Wizards 7:00 pm.
CSN-DC commentators: Steve Buckhantz & Phil Chenier
CSN-Sac commentators: Grant Napear & Jerry Reynolds
6:55- I’ve dialed up CSN-DC for tonight’s Thrilla in Chinatown between the Kings and the Wizards. Both of these teams have plenty of chinks in their armor.
6:56- Boy, I hope ESPN doesn’t fire me for that comment.
6:58- My drinking plan for tonight- do a shot for every Nick Young assist. I should be going to sleep stone sober tonight.
7:01- Steve Buckhantz & Phil Chenier on the call. These guys have watched so much horrific basketball over the last 15 years, they’re bound to get some Vestal Virgins in heaven.
7:02- Is “Kings of the Road” an appropriate graphic title for a list of every Kings loss on this roadtrip?
7:05- Time for some Phil-osophy 45. Phil Simms is on the phone with his lawyers as we speak.
7:06- “Jan Vescely is tall & fun to watch.” The only thing this guy brings to the game is a smoking girlfriend.
7:08- Can’t wait for next years’ matchup. It’ll probably be a 1978 NBA Finals throwback situation.
7:12- Currently reassessing where my life went wrong. Finally this game tips.
7:14- Buck talking up Nick Young’s 43 against the Kings last year. I’m guessing he takes 40 shots tonight to try to match it.
7:15- Buck: “Hopefully the Kings play with one foot on the bus.”
7:17- It’s going to be a long night if the Kings get fouls like that from the stripes.
7:18- Alternate count tonight: John Wall bricks. That’s 1.
7:23- Both teams apparently agreed to play no defense tonight. #BlowbyCity
7:26- Steve Buckhantz should keep “lazy entry pass” on a loop.
7:28- Nick Young has a wide open guy in the corner and instead tries a ridiculous spinning lay-up attempt. Buck & Chenier are full of praise for trying it.
7:31- Nick Young already has 9 SHOTS?? Jesus.
7:35- Buckhantz complaining Evans should have gotten a T for leaving the court early.
Wizards 34 Kings 29 after 1 Quarter.
7:40- I’m laughing at Jimmer’s flop attempt. I guess they don’t teach that at BYU.
7:41- Still laughing at Jimmer.
7:46- The Kings are getting destroyed in the paint by Kevin Seraphin. Kevin freaking Seraphin.
7:49- Wall and Young could really teach kids how to not play any defense.
7:53- Javale McGee just blocked Jimmer w/out even looking at him or his shot.
8:00- Chenier: “Both teams are shooting exceptionally well.” Also acceptable as an answer: Ole defense.
8:03- Javale McGee really isn’t good at playing basketball.
8:04- Biggest cheers keep going to Jimmer. Did Mitt Romney buy a couple of sections tonight?
8:05- Isaiah and Wall get T’d up. Buckhantz thinks the Wizards got screwed.
8:08- Way to not know how much time was left Tyreke. I think Calipari taught that move.
Halftime. Lot of points on the board but this is terrible basketball. Keith was smart to hit the early bird special instead of watching this.
Wizards 68 Kings 60
8:24- Chenier: "First team to play defense tonight wins." Finally someone noticed.
8:26- Now Wall screws up the shot clock. Calipari is a genius!
8::29- Love when Buckhantz blames the refs for a Wizard fuck up.
8:29- FINALLY THE DUMBASS JAVALE MCGEE PLAY OF THE NIGHT! It's not officially a Wizards game until that happens.
8:36- Always love when Rashard Lewis breaks out his McGee impression. #Butterfingers
8:41- And the Kings finally tie it at 78.
8:42- Back to back Wizards 3's as the Kings decided to just sort of lollygag up the court to play defense.
8:44- James Naismith weeps everytime Javale McGee has the ball in his hands.
8:48- I fell asleep and wake to find out Cousins picked up a technical foul, which I assume happens in every Kings game.
8:52- That push off could be seen from Newt Gingrich's moon colony.
8:54- End of 3. Wizards 89 Kings 88
8:59- Jordan Crawford just made the most ridiculous shot I've seen since Shabazz on Monday night.
9:01- And the Kings grab the lead. The Wizards love to give these kinds of games away.
9:08- 30 points for Jordan Crawford.
9:09- John Wall with his signature drive into the paint and throw the ball out of bounds play.
9:13- LOL at Nick Young dribbling for 20 seconds before hoisting an off balance jumper. #Typical
9:14- And Sacramento extends to a 7 point lead. Pretty typical Wizards game.
9:18- The Wizards have about as much interest in the game as I do at this point. Which is to say, none.
9:19- Garcia with the dagger. And I'm not drunk at all.
9:22- Watching that game was akin to Chinese water torture. I think there would have been far more enjoyment in watching the Republican debate. Of course, this is what happens when friends let friends watch shitty basketball. The Kings just sucked a little bit less tonight. Enjoy the win Keith!
FINAL: Kings 115 Wizards 107
8:24- Chenier: "First team to play defense tonight wins." Finally someone noticed.
8:26- Now Wall screws up the shot clock. Calipari is a genius!
8::29- Love when Buckhantz blames the refs for a Wizard fuck up.
8:29- FINALLY THE DUMBASS JAVALE MCGEE PLAY OF THE NIGHT! It's not officially a Wizards game until that happens.
8:36- Always love when Rashard Lewis breaks out his McGee impression. #Butterfingers
8:41- And the Kings finally tie it at 78.
8:42- Back to back Wizards 3's as the Kings decided to just sort of lollygag up the court to play defense.
8:44- James Naismith weeps everytime Javale McGee has the ball in his hands.
8:48- I fell asleep and wake to find out Cousins picked up a technical foul, which I assume happens in every Kings game.
8:52- That push off could be seen from Newt Gingrich's moon colony.
8:54- End of 3. Wizards 89 Kings 88
8:59- Jordan Crawford just made the most ridiculous shot I've seen since Shabazz on Monday night.
9:01- And the Kings grab the lead. The Wizards love to give these kinds of games away.
9:08- 30 points for Jordan Crawford.
9:09- John Wall with his signature drive into the paint and throw the ball out of bounds play.
9:13- LOL at Nick Young dribbling for 20 seconds before hoisting an off balance jumper. #Typical
9:14- And Sacramento extends to a 7 point lead. Pretty typical Wizards game.
9:18- The Wizards have about as much interest in the game as I do at this point. Which is to say, none.
9:19- Garcia with the dagger. And I'm not drunk at all.
9:22- Watching that game was akin to Chinese water torture. I think there would have been far more enjoyment in watching the Republican debate. Of course, this is what happens when friends let friends watch shitty basketball. The Kings just sucked a little bit less tonight. Enjoy the win Keith!
FINAL: Kings 115 Wizards 107
Oh God. You actually watched that game?
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