Euphemisms In Baseball I Hate

When I was going to college, I took this communication philosophy class. It was much different than I expected. I guess I always thought philosophy classes was where you discussed if a molecule in your fingernail is really a galaxy.*In reality communication philosophy is a combination of philosophy of language and political philosophy and is not a class that questions whether we're real or just a part of someones imagination.

*I watched Animal House way too much between the ages of 17 to 20. If you've ever watched Animal House before, you know what scene I'm talking about. If you haven't, go out and watch that movie. It's tremendous.

That class you learn about syntax, red herrings, Chekhov's gun, Idioms, and Euphemisms. Euphemisms was a huge part of that class and is a huge part of our culture. For those who don't know, Euphemisms are phrases meant to hide the truth about how bad a situation is, even if that situation really isn't that bad in the first place. George Carlin had an epic rant on the evil of Euphemisms that our teacher actually played for us in our class.*



*I actually enjoyed this class much more so than I thought I would. Learning about language is truly fascinating. Plus the teacher played freaking George Carlin comedy clips in the class!

Listen to that Carlin clip, specifically the part about how Euphemisms hide the truth. That's what I want to talk about today folks euphemisms, specifically euphemisms in baseball.

Since buying the Extra Inning package it has shocked me how many baseball analysts use euphemisms to cover up the fact about how awful a situation is. I thought it was just *Mike Krukow who used euphemisms during the broadcast because he refuses to acknowledge how bad the Giants offense truly is. Nope. Other baseball announcers** use euphemisms to hide the fact that their team did something stupid or are really bad at a certain aspect of the game.

*I love Krukow, but he can really annoy me during a broadcast with how many euphemisms he uses during a broadcast.
**Yes, I realize how bad some announcers actually are and that they don't know how to broadcast without using an euphemism or cliche.

So without further ado, here are the euphemisms in baseball I despise.


"He looked great in the batting cage.": This is a staple of Mike Kukow's and has been used regularly since the Giants transitioned from a hitting team to a pitching team. I especially hate this euphemisms because Krukow doesn't explain why a certain player looked great in the batting cage. Does he look good just because he hit a couple of home runs or line drives?

Here's the other part that drives me crazy about this euphemism, it means nothing. I can go into a batting cage, rip a couple of line drives, and look good. It has zero effect on the game though. Watch batting practice the next time you go to the ballpark. The batter takes about ten swings before retreating to the outside of the cage to let someone else take ten swings before re-entering the cage once more to take another ten swings. Each hitter goes through this routine at least a couple times before a game starts.

And what kind of pitches are thrown for them to hit? It usually a soft tossed fastball. Yes, the batters aren't even thrown hard fastballs, let alone breaking balls or off speed pitches. So how can you really tell a batter is going to have a great day at the plate against Cliff Lee by "looking good in the batting cage"? This euphemism needs to disappear from every broadcasters vocabulary*.

*Yes, even Krukow's. 

"Caught Napping": This euphemism is used when a base runner is picked off. I wish the broadcasters were able to say "the base runner fucking spaced out!" instead of "caught napping." Alas.

"Can of Corn"- Any phrase used by Hawk Harrelson should never be uttered by any other human being on this planet. And if someone uses a Hawk Harrelson phrase, do the world a favor and drop a Black Widow down their shirt.

They do look similar.

"Busted Out of His Slump"- Andrew Baggarly brought up another example of a bad euphemism and used the perfect example. When an announcer says a certain player "Busted out of his slump" after just one good game, that's a vomit inducing euphemism. Baggs brought up Aubrey Huff as an example who has batted .167 in nine games since his three home run game as of last Saturday. Huff didn't "bust out of his slump" in St. Louis. Huff merely had a great game in a ballpark that is known for it's offense. As soon as that game ended, Huff was right back to swinging during a 3-0 count and either grounding out weakly to second base or popping up.

"Cheap run"- After watching the San Francisco Giants this season, there isn't a "cheap run" in baseball.*

*There's only "cheap runs" that go against my team. The Giants never score "cheap runs. *Cough*

Now before you say anything I know broadcasters use euphemisms to hide the truth from fans who don't want to know the truth. I'm sure there is some doofus who doesn't want to know the truth and would rather hear their broadcaster say "that players looked good in the cage today".  I much rather hear the truth. I want to know how bad or good a situation is. So please baseball broadcasters, spare me the euphemisms.

Please add in the comments section what euphemisms you hate that are used by the baseball broadcasters you listen to.