Hubie Brown At The Movies

Time for another edition of Hubie Brown At the Movies. Hubie this week provides commentary on some of the greatest movies ever. Enjoy.

Hubie on The Godfather: "So you're Vito Corleone and your the head of the family. The times are changing and drugs have become big business. It's against your morals to sell drugs and might not make the politicians in your pockets happy. So do you do business with this Turk?"

Hubie on Gone with the Wind: "So you're Rhett and Scarlett finally says she loves you. Do you damn?"

Hubie on The Wizard of Oz: "You are Dorthy and your house just got caught in a tornado and landed in a strange land. Are you sure you're not dreaming"

Hubie on Star Wars: "Okay you're Luke Skywalker. You have tremendous upside at becoming a Jedi Knight. Your aunt and uncle were killed by the Empire and Obi-Wan wants to teach you the ways of the Force. The Force is in your blood so you have to be itching at the chance to become a Jedi Knight."

Hubie On the Waterfront: "You're Terry Malloy and you could have been a contender. Instead you're just a bum now."

Hubie on Platoon: "You're Chris Taylor and you killed Sgt. Barnes, were injured in combat, and now you get to go home. You're winning! Duh."

Hubie on Toy Story: "Okay so you're Woody and you have been Andy's favorite toy forever. Then during Christmas Andy gets a fancy space ranger action figure. You've been replaced! And the worst thing about this is that Buzz Lightyear actually thinks he's a real space ranger!"

Hubie on Lethal Weapon: "I'm Sgt. Murtaugh and I've just received a new partner named Martin Riggs. I'm too old for this shit and they've given me a suicidal partner! I have no idea if this guy is trying to get psycho pension or if he's really crazy and they gave him to me as a partner!"

Hubie on The Shawshank Redemption: "You're Andy Dufresne and you've already tunneled a hole in the wall to your freedom. So do you risk crawling to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness?"

Hubie Brown At The Movies

Confession: I love listening to NBA announcer Hubie Brown. Hubie is the only announcer in all of sports who can speak in the second person singular. I'm not making this up. Listen to a game Hubie announcers and pay very close attention when he's speaking.

He'll say things like, "You are DeMarcus Cousins. You're playing well, grabbing rebounds, generally dominating the painted area. Then why are you fouling right there?" The thing about Hubie though is that you don't scoff at him like you would at Dicky V. It's genuine and it doesn't feel like he's shilling for a team or player.

I bring this up because I think ESPN should seriously give Hubie Brown his own show to fill the timeslot void by Jim Rome in another week. It's going to be called Hubie Brown At The Movies.

The show is very much like the old Ebert & Siskel At The Movies. Hubie in the balcony of a movie theater. Instead of reviewing a movie though Hubie provides audio commentary to movies. Kind of like the commentary a director or actor provides to a DVD extra. Some examples:

Hubie on Fight Club: "You are Tyler Durden and you just created this super secret fight club. You don't want anyone to talk about fight club so you say the first rule in fight club is that no one talks about fight club."

Hubie on Superbad: "You are Seth and you have a crush on Jules. You want to impress her badly so you offer to buy her booze even though you don't have a fake ID. So you get a guy who you don't really like to buy the booze because he has a fake ID. Then he gets punched by an armed robber and then has to talk with the cops. What do you do then? Jules wants her booze."

Hubie on The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: "You're Blondie and you're in a Mexican standoff against Tuco and Angel Eyes. You want a share in the loot so who do you shoot?"

Hubie on Dirty Harry: "You're Dirty Harry and you're wondering did I shoot six shots, or only five?"

Hubie on Terminator 2: "You're John Conner and this liquid Terminator is chasing you because he wants to kill you to change the future. You definitely want the original Terminator to protect you. The original Terminator will protect you from pain because he can't feel anything. He's a machine!"

Hubie on Shane: "You are Joey and Shane has just been wounded. Shane says take care of the homestead and watch over his family. Now if you're Joey do you scream "Shane" while Shane rides off into the sunset?"

Hubie on Finding Nemo: "You are Nemo and you're father told you to never leave the reef. You're mad at your father because he embarrassed you. So do you leave the reef?"

Hubie on Rocky 3: "You are Rocky and you have faced no one but chumps. But a real fighter named Clubber Lane challenges you for the title. He insults your wife so of course you have to fight him."

Hubie on Superman:  "You are Superman and Lois Clark is dead. Do you ignore Jor-El's warning not to interfere with human history? Of course you do because you love Lois Clark."

Hubie on Halloween: "There is this man named Michael Myers who is killing babysitters in the town of Haddonfield, Illinois. Where are the adults? Where are the adults? This madman is killing their kids and they're no where to be found. Maybe they are dead themselves? This Michael Myers is a pure psycho."

Hubie on American Psycho: "You gotta love Patrick Bateman. He has maximum killing potential."

How great would that show be? He has a viewer in me. Hubie Brown At the Movies! You gotta love the potential of that show.