Derek Jeter has announced that after 2014 season he'll retire. So for the third straight season a future hall of fame baseball player will have a retirement tour across baseball for the season. And that means he'll receive gifts so let's guess what gifts he'll be given.
Toronto: Toronto supposedly has some of the best strip clubs in North America so I can only imagine the Blue Jays giving Jeter a gift card to Centerfolds.
Baltimore: Obviously they'll give him crabs. The good, edible kind of course. Not the bad kind that itch.
Tampa Bay: A walker. Get it? Because Tampa Bay is a retirement community and Jeter is retiring.
/I hate myself
Boston: A gift basket that includes: A-Rod's Hamburger Helper glove from the 04 ALCS, Irish whiskey tasting Geritol, and a punch to the mouth followed by, "HOW DO LIKE EM APPLES?"
Minnesota: An IOU for all the times the Yankees beat the Twins in the playoffs.
Detroit: S&M gear because of how much the Tigers have dominated the Yankees in the playoffs.
Oakland: Raw sewage fresh from the bowels of the Oakland Coliseum.
Atlanta Braves: Bottled up tears from the Braves players of the 90's who thought they would be the team of the 90's.
New York Mets: (They'll actually be asking you for a gift because their owner has nothing.)
Brian McCann: A personal thank you note for playing the game "the right way".
New York Yankees: A gift basket modeled after the gift basket Jeter gives to all of his conquests.