October 7, 2013

Talkin' Baseball: Butt Pirates, Nerds, & Red Sox-Tigers Promos

49er16: @BaseballsBestFans is without a doubt the best Twitter account to follow during this time of the year. Words like "Butt Pirates", "Faggots", and "gay" are used in such frequency that I wonder if Cardinals fans really do use those words during diner conversations.

The Colonel: "Hey! Pass the mashed potatoes faggot!" You're the one with family in Missouri, do they really talk like this all day long?

49er16: Not the people I was around this summer. Not my relatives or their friends. I'm chalking it up to a St. Louis thing.

The Colonel: That could be the case. I love how they call the Pirates, the "butt Pirates". Because you know when Pirates aren't raping and pillaging villages they're having sex with each other on their boat. "Ye there on the aft! Stop having butt sex with each other, arrrrrrh".

49er16: The best part are their reasons for being the "BEST FANS IN BASEBALL!" Including doing the wave unironically, standing for another player's accomplishment, and for calling Albert Pujols a "faggot".

The Colonel: Well at least none of their players are calling reporters "nerds" like David Price. And I must say I'm enjoying the implosion of Tampa Bay even though it's at the hands of Boston. Couldn't have happened to a better team. Now if only the sabermetric writers who worship this team would save their tears for I can taste them.

49er16: I laughed when Jonah Keri had them winning in 4 games when Boston had home field advantage! And people forget but the Red Sox might not have the greatest lineup in the world, they actually have depth in their lineup. Rays have several holes in their lineup and I've never believed their pitching staff was anything special.

The Colonel: Sabermetric writers are so up the asses of the Rays they don't see their faults. And with rimmed glass Maddon and his dyed hair-mohawk wearing plaid jackets they just eat out of that team's dog bowel. They put on rose colored glasses when talking about this team and ignore that most of the players are scumbags and that team just isn't very good.

49er16: And they'll be exiting the playoffs very soon.

The Colonel: What do we make of this Tigers-A's series. I have no idea what's going on or who's the better team?

49er16: Amazing since the A's play in our backyard, but I haven't paid much attention to this series other than Fox's burning desire to see the Tigers play the Red Sox in the ALCS.

The Colonel: Those commercials cracked me up. They're just begging for a Red Sox-Tigers ALCS. If this was basketball we would see Dick Bavetta officiating one of these next three games. Instead MLB blew their chance and didn't set up the umpire rotation that would have made CB Bucknor the game 5 umpire behind the plate.

49er16: If we get a Red Sox-Dodgers World Series I'm just going to ignore the world series. While I'm sure Fox will create promos for that matchup.

The Colonel: Hey if Fox sacrifices Joe Buck for a Red Sox-Dodgers World Series then I'm all for it.

49er16: Have a good week, folks.


  1. I don't mind the @BestFansStLouis account, but it always seems like the person who runs that account finds the most obnoxious high school kids on Twitter who happen to be Cardinals fans. So if nothing else it makes me hate teenagers even more than I already do. #getoffmylawn

  2. Maddon and his dyed hair-mohawk wearing plaid jackets they just eat out of that team's dog bowel.

    So funny, even if it was a misspell.

    1. Don't blame me there. Keith transcribes what I say.

    2. I transcribed it too fast because I had to go to a diner.