April 8, 2013

Talkin' Baseball: First Impressions, Trolls, & Awful Announcing

49er16: So............what were your first impressions of the season?

The Colonel: That we're going to see some historically bad offenses in Pittsburgh, Houston, and possible Miami. The Marlins are saved by Stanton's presence  but both Pittsburgh and Houston are going to have problems all year.

49er16: Houston might be as bad as everyone thought. 62 Mets bad. None of their hitters are good and they swing at everything. They have like 2 good pitchers and their bullpen is horrendous. Keith Law is on drugs when he says the Rockies will be the worst team. The Astros already are the worst team in baseball and we're six games into the year.

The Colonel: Law is good at saying shit that doesn't make sense or is wrong. There are better baseball people to follow than him.

49er16: He's not as bad though as Morosi or Heyman. They're just trolls pretending to be writers.

The Colonel: Baseball is surprisingly full of writer trolls. Whether it's the sabermetrics writer trolls or trolls like Heyman, this sport is filled with them.

49er16: I thought Matt Cain had a bad day on Sunday until I saw what happened to Dickey, Verlander, and David Price. My God their bad days completely destroys the narrative that pitchers are ahead of hitters. Especially true for Dickey and Price who have both started off badly.

The Colonel: Looking at all their graphs at Brooks Baseball, they're all missing high in the zone or over the plate. Sounds more like an adjustment issue than these guys are going to hell in a hand basket on a rocket ship.

49er16: Looking at Price's and Cain's velocity, they're fastballs aren't dipping. So that's good. It's not a injury thing, just a small sample size thing.

The Colonel: How about that Will Middlebrooks? Nothing like taking batting practice against Dickey. And how about those new and improved Blue Jays? They're still the Red Sox bitch.

49er16: The Blue Jays offense looks good, it's that pitching staff that sucks right now. Their bullpen is bad, Dickey has had two bad starts, Josh Johnson looked terrible in his first start. And of course J.A. Happ looks like an all-star while the rest of them are struggling.

The Colonel: I hate the Dodgers but their Instagram account is outstanding. Their photoshop looks great. DAMMIT I DON'T WANT TO LIKE THE DODGERS.

49er16: /ignores this comment completely

The Colonel: Okay moving on. I loved seeing Washington get humbled this weekend by the Reds. The team itself isn't cocky, but my goodness are their announcers are full of it. Especially Bob Carpenter. He sounds like an old wrestling announcer.

49er16: Carpenter actually makes me like Hawk Harrelson. Hawk sounds and acts like a fan. That's why people don't like him. He reminds people of themselves and how petulant they are when their team loses. Carpenter is just a whiny twerp.

The Colonel: There are some bad announcers out there. Chip Carray is terrible. T-Hom Brennaman is both silver spooned and petulant. Dewayne Staats in Tampa is boring. There are so few good announcers who are smart and keep you engaged.

49er16: I'd still listen to those guys any day of the week over the Indians crew. Talk about boring, those guys make paint drying exciting.

The Colonel: /zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


  1. Jose Mota (Angels radio broadcaster) is also not very good at his job.

  2. To be fair, MASN has tried to replace Carpenter on 3 different occasions, but never could find anyone better.

    1. I know Johnny Holliday is older than dirt, but he can't be a replacement for a little while?

    2. I love Johnny, but he's hit that 70+ year old mark where announcers lose their fastball; and he actually missed 3 weeks of Maryland games this year. I've always thought Dave Jaegler would be good in that spot, even though he looks like Linus from "Lost."

    3. If he wasn't so tied to Stanford, I always thought the Nats should have gone after Dave Flemming. He's from Northern Virginia.

    4. Did he go to Stanford? Is that why he couldn't give it up?

    5. Yeah he went to Stanford and calls their football games. He even replaced the legendary Bob Murphy at furd.