February 12, 2013

Tuesdays With Noory

(Editor's Note: The Colonel is going to start writing more guest posts here starting today with Tuesdays with Noory)

When I was in college I was your typical student. I would go to class, work, party, and then pull all nighters to get my school work done. When I would do my school work I used to listen to Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell. If you're not familiar with that show it's the one that deals with conspiracy theories, aliens, Area 51, haunting, and everything your little heart can desire.

Bell eventually retired but this was after I left school. He was replaced by George Noory and the subject matter stayed the same. I'll listen to Coast to Coast AM every once in a while when I can't sleep. It's mostly just interviews with people calling in to offer their opinion on the subject but it's still can't be a compelling listen.

One of the people Noory interviews is Giorgio A. Tsoukalos. If you're not familiar with Tsoukalos he's that guy with the crazy hair that appears on the History Channel show 'Ancient Aliens'. Here's what I imagine what a conversation between Noory and Tsoukalos would sound like if they talked about sports on Coast to Coast AM.
Noory: Welcome to Coast to Coast AM. Tomorrow night we'll have a live chat with conspiracy theorist Markos Renalbi to talk about aliens and Area 51. Tonight though we welcome Giorgio A. Tsoukalos to talk about sports conspiracy's and sports aliens. Welcome Giorgio.
Giorgio: Thank you for having me on George. First off I want to say that aliens created sports Before Christ in Greece. They came out of the sky and said let's play some games. So they decided to start wrestling with each other and BAM! you have the first Olympic games.

Noory: Interesting. So they decided to come to Earth and start wrestling? Is that even possible?

Noory: Let's move on to modern times. There have been several conspiracy theories regarding sports over the years. My favorite is the frozen envelope story of the 1985 NBA Lottery involving the New York Knicks and Patrick Ewing. Can the NBA even freeze an envelope? And did the NBA freeze the envelope for the Knicks could draft Ewing?

Giorgio: Well of course it's possible for the NBA to freeze the number one pick envelope. They put that bad boy in a freezer and then when it was time to draw envelops, Stern could feel that one was frozen and knew not to select it till the very end. It's a very scientific process.

Noory: Let's take a call. Here's Tim from East of the Rockies.

Tim from East of the Rockies: Thanks for taking my call George. Giorgio I was wondering what your opinion was on the Super Bowl blackout a week ago? I believe it was a message from the aliens warning us of an invasion. Is that even possible?

Giorgio: Is such a thing even possible? Yes it is. The Aliens were definitely sending a message to the world that they plan on invading soon War of the Worlds style. They were saying, "This is only the beginning. In a month you're all going to die. Good luck."

Noory: Let's take another call. Here's Jake on the Wild Card Line.

Jake on the Wild Card Line: Um yes Giorgio I was wondering if NFL referee Ed Hochuli was a possible alien? Is he wearing that body builder suit like the Aliens from 'Men in Black' and is that even possible?

Giorgio: Yes it is possible. Aliens have been using human bodies like a suit well before The Fresh Prince of Bel Air decided to rip off the idea for a movie. By the way, I hate Will Smith. Anyways it's definitely not out of the realm that Hochuli could be in fact an alien.

Noory: One last question before the break. Is it even possible that Bill Buckner allowed that ball to go between his legs?

Noory: We'll be right back with Giorgio Tsoukalos. Next we're going to talk about why the IOC canceled wrestling and whether the aliens were behind the attack on Coast to Coast AM.
Thanks for reading, signed The Colonel.


  1. I listened to this a few weeks ago. The topic was martial arts for whatever reason.

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