January 28, 2013

Talkin' Sports: Super Bowl Week

49er16: Are you ready for Super Bowl week and the endless story lines and predictions?

The Colonel: I'm not. We're both listeners to the Jim Rome Show while we're in our respective offices and I am not ready for his annual Super Bowl interviewing athletes who are promoting everything from drinks to food to battery's. I love the annual Jerry Kramer and Joe Montana stories, but hate the annual shilling.

49er16: Jim Rome's show and the other radio shows on radio row that week always crack me up. These guys, former and current NFL athletes, are always promoting something. And for most of those guys, like Jerry Karmer, it's the same thing every single year. That being said I do enjoy the old Packers stories from Kramer and the old 49ers stories from Montana.

The Colonel: Well anyway I'm still not ready for all the shilling, story lines, and predictions. Who cares which team Gil Brandt predicts will win?


49er16: Okay let's just move onto the game. How are you feeling about the Niners? Worried? Excited? Feel like you're going to puke?

The Colonel: I feel like I'm going to puke if Justin Smith isn't effective. It's amazing to me how much of that defense revolves around him. They can't get a pass rush going without him reeking havoc. And if they can't get a pass rush going, Flacco is going to pick them apart.

49er16: That's my biggest worry. Our secondary is very secretly our biggest weakness. When a pass rush is going with the Smith's they're fine. But when the pass rush ain't going, oh boy. Torrey Smith especially worries me. I can already see him burning Tarell Brown down the sideline for a touchdown with Goldson not helping. Jeez, now I feel like I'm going to puke and we're a week away from the game.

The Colonel: I'm also worried Kaepernick will forget about Vernon Davis. Davis I believe has to be thrown to down the middle of the field and those sideline patterns. If they ignore Davis but pass to Delanie Walker, the Niners will be screwed.

49er16: I don't know if this is a prop bet yet or not, but I would bet on Walker dropping at least one pass in this game and that it will probably happen on a third down.

The Colonel: Speaking of prop bets here's a list of my favorites: Will Alicia Keys forget or omit one word of the national anthem? What style will be Beyonce's hair for the halftime show? How many times will Jack Harbaugh be seen on TV (bet the over here)? How long will the post super bowl handshake last between the two brothers (also take the over)? Who will the Super Bowl MVP thank first (if it's Ray Lewis bet on God)? And what will happen to the Dow Jones on Monday after the game? Which by the way that last bet might be my most favorite prop bet ever. If you're gambling on what the stock market does the day after the Super Bowl then you might have a problem.

49er16: Yeah that's bad if you're gambling on the stock market without having money in the actual stock market.

The Colonel: Here's something I'm not looking forward to, the Goodell returns to New Orleans after "bountygate" with commentary by James Carville! I hate listening to that mush-mouthed Carville talk about politics. Listening to him talk about the Super Bowl, New Orleans, Katrina, the Saints, Goodell, and "Bountygate" will be unbearable. Maybe even worse than the Harbaugh and Ray Lewis story lines.

49er16: That's not even my favorite story line involving a politician and the Super Bowl. San Francisco idiot Mayor Ed Lee is "suggesting" the bars in San Francisco serve something other than "heavy alcohol". First of all it's called "hard alcohol" you fucking idiot. And second, good luck with that request dumb fuck. I'm sure three people will heed to that request. I love San Francisco but my God do all the politicians that come out of that city have to be such nim wits?

The Colonel: Of course they do Keith. San Francisco is the land of fairy tales and unicorns. They don't live in reality like the rest of us. Also when I order a drink now I'm going to ask for the "heavy alcohol". Seems appropriate now.

49er16: If the Niners win the Super Bowl, I hope Ed Lee roams the streets of San Francisco yelling "ALL IS WELL!" like Kevin Bacon in Animal House while the drunks toss his car over. I would pay to see a camera on him from Pay-per-view for this.

The Colonel: And then he gets pummeled into the ground by Bluto and Flounder fleeing from the cops.

49er16: I can only imagine now what Lee's bet with Baltimore mayor Tommy Carcetti Stephanie Rawlings-Blake will be? Sourdough bread and a miniature replica of Alcatraz for crap cakes and the complete set of the Wire?

The Colonel: The Baltimore mayor should send Lee a case of Jack Daniels to fuck with him regardless. And by the way how has anyone gone this long without making a Wire reference to the Super Bowl?

49er16: I'm sure they're coming this week. I count on Whitlock alone making approximately 5,000 Wire references this week alone.

5 comments:

  1. Living in Baltimore, if you can picture Sen. Clay Davis as a female mayor, you have Stephanie Rawlings-Blake.

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    1. So she's "bleeding bey dry"?

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    2. Dammit I screwed that up. Suppose to say "bleeding String dry".

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    3. Ed Lee has fought his own ethics fraud cases. Many people believe he's in the pocket of the tech companies and probably is. I honestly don't know if there is s mayor from a big city isn't a little shady.

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    4. It's just funny since her father is one of the people on which that character is based. But, you're right it's hard to become a big city mayor (especially in the rust belt) without doing some shady things.

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