November 19, 2012

Report: University of Phoenix To Join The Big East

With news this morning that both Maryland and Rutgers are leaving their respective conferences the Big East has announced they have added the University of Phoenix to their conference to replace Rutgers.

"The University of Phoenix brings a great athletic tradition to the Big East," said Big East commissioner Mike Aresco.

When asked what "athletic tradition" the University of Phoenix had Mr. Aresco just stared at the press with a blank expression.

"The University of Phoenix can field teams all over the United States and even over seas with their 200 campus'," continued Aresco. "If Boise State needs an opponent we can send the University of Phoenix to Idaho because of their campus in Moscow, Idaho. If San Diego State needs an opponent their's a University of Phoenix right there in San Diego. It's really a good fit for everyone in our conference."

The University of Phoenix's bid was bigger than DeVry University, Wyoming Tech, Cal Tech, MIT, and UTI to gain entrance into the Big East. Expect the University of Phoenix to suit up a team for the first time at the Big East tournament in New York with failed junior college players from New Mexico.

"This is a new day for the Big East," Aresco finishing the press conference and then running to the bar next door where he drank hard alcohol for the next 10 hours.


  1. People who went to WyoTech are the type who wear Fox Racing gear. Bewared!

    1. When you grow up in a farming community like I did, you know a few people who went to schools like Wyoming Tech or UTI.

    2. As a graduate of a Wyoming high school myself, there's a few WyoTech grads in my graduating class. Not surprisingly, they still live in Wyoming.

  2. How could the Big East not add Phoenix's big rival, Kaplan University?

  3. Come to think of it, let's add DeVry University to the mix.