August 13, 2012

Talkin' Baseball: Experimenting on Pence, Heat Charts, & Delorean's

49er16: After watching Pence hitting the game-winning home run yesterday, I've decided I want to study Hunter Pence. Baseball Hunter Pence to be specific. Everything about baseball Hunter Pence is goofy and should be studied for science.

The Colonel: And while they're studying Pence, take a look at Belt. He's another goofy son of a bitch.

49er16: They're both from Texas so maybe it's something in the water down there? Specifically the southern part of Texas where they're both from?

The Colonel: Maybe they're twins that were separated at birth? Maybe it was destiny to pair them up on a team?

49er16: I hope that is true. The Giraffe and the Platypus. Together forever and always in our hearts.

The Colonel: Look at you getting poetic.


49er16: I've found a new team to hop on the bandwagon. The Rays! Longoria comes back and all of a sudden they're in the wild card race and ahead of the Orioles. The O's and Pirates are so two weeks ago.

The Colonel: The impressive part of the Rays run is that their pitching is finally looking good. Their pitching all season in my opinion has been all sorts of sketchy.

49er16: The stats suggest the pitching has been good, but it's been their hitting that has stunk. Their team wRC+ is at 93. That ain't good.

The Colonel: Dumping Matsui at the landfill probably helped as well. For all the good the Rays have done, they don't get as much crap as they deserve for picking up such wastes of space like Matsui and then playing him everyday.

49er16: BUT THE RAYS ARE GENIUS'S??? LOOK AT HOW MANY CHAMPIONSHIPS THEY HAVE WON!

The Colonel: Even a genius makes a mistake every once in a while.

49er16: Are we still not paying attention to the AL Central?

The Colonel: Yeah that division is death by 1,000 Adam Dunn strikeouts. Only pay attention during the last two weeks of the season. No need to waste much time following anyone there.

49er16: Why has the AL Central been so mediocre these past few years? Or am i just having Vietnam like flashbacks thinking about all those first round exits by the Twins.

The Colonel: Yeah the Twins decade of dull dominance really watered down everyone's expectations out of that division. And really after watching the White Sox and Tigers this year the dullness hasn't gone away. It's just found two new teams.

49er16: ESPN's Mark Simon tweeted out this heat map of the first 16 AB's of Many Machado's career. Kid loves himself some inside pitches and a few pitches on the outside.

The Colonel: I like how Machado has one strikeout and no walks yet. Pretty much every AB he's putting the ball into play. This will either end in disaster or he'll turn into another Vlad Guerrero where he's a functional hacker.

49er16: Machado could never walk in his career and he would still be more productive than Mark K. Reynolds.

The Colonel: /Reynolds swings and misses reading this post

49er16: DELOREAN OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!

The Colonel: Haha. We've had someone with a James Bond jet pack show up at the park this year and now Dr. Brown shows up in his time traveler. I hope the Millennium Falcon shows up one day.

49er16: I hope the Terminator shows up and Kyle Reece kicks his ass again. Fuck you Terminator. Destroy the future world!

The Colonel: We've discussed this before but I still wonder how Schwarzenegger kept finding weapons to kill an army in Commando? Why hasn't this ever been explained? That's more confounding that the John Woo movies where the guy shooting hardly ever runs out of ammo in his gun.

49er16: Those 80's movies you should never ask questions, just sit back and enjoy them.

The Colonel: You're right. Besides I'll probably be only disappointed if I found out how Arnold kept coming up with weapons during his fight against the drug army. "LET OFF SOME STEAM BENNETT."

2 comments:

  1. Machado already has more home runs than James Loney

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