July 9, 2012

Ancient Greek Home Run Derby

 (Consider this your home run derby open thread)

The Home Derby today consists to two players choosing players from a group to form a team. It's a convoluted exercise to get people interested in Chris Berman in the home run derby. I couldn't tell you who are the captains of this year's derby and couldn't care less. This however isn't stopping the Colonel and I from choosing our own home run derby teams. Instead of choosing baseball players though we're choosing ancient Greek characters as our participants in our home run derby.

I won the coin toss so I got the first selection. We'll each make three selections.

49er16, 1st pick: Zeus

You have to go with Zeus as the first pick right? He is after all the God of sky and thunder. I'm also going with Zeus because he defeated the Tennessee Titans and was considered the King of Gods. Also his stroke of the lightning bolt is perfect for the short right field porch at Kauffman stadium.

The Colonel, 2nd Pick: Poseidon

My boy you should always choose someone first who is called the "Earth-shaker." The earth will definitely rattle when the left-handed hitting Poseidon, God of the Sea, is hitting in the derby. Also if you have ever read Homer you would have seen that Poseidon, not Zeus, was the real leader of the Kings and he'll once again prove himself in the derby.

49er16, 3rd Pick: Hercules

I see your Poseidon and raise you Hercules who not only charmed the pants off the ladies, and who will no doubtfully sleep with the most women in KC, but killed the sea monster Poseidon sent to destroy Troy. Hercules is also a switch hitter who has more power from his left side, but can also hit home runs at great frequency from the right side. I can already here Berman saying, "He hit that one back to Mount Olympus!"

The Colonel, 4th Pick: Oedipus

Every home run derby is that one person who isn't very good and sure enough embarrasses himself. Remember Brandon Inge in St. Louis a couple of years ago? Yeah he was bad. Oedipus is this year's pick to embarrass himself. Only after killing Bud Selig at home plate and marrying Wendy Selig will Oedipus embarrass himself in front of the crowd.

49er16, 5th Pick: Achilles

Well if you pick one tragic figure I guess I have to go with Achilles. Achilles has the power and will to destroy the baseball but his weakness for low pitches will ultimately undo him at the plate. I can see him though hitting a line drive that hits one of the kids shagging fly balls in the outfield. I do look forward to that.

The Colonel, 6th Pick: Atlas

To hold together my team will be Atlas. His wordily power can hold up the sphere of Achilles and Oedipus. Yeah Atlas and Zeus are at odds, but that only will create more drama for a dead event like the home run derby. I also can't wait to hear Berman say, "Atlas is holding Uranus." You know it's coming.


  1. I'm not sure how you can possibly leave Ares off any of these squads.

    1. I was going for the tragic feel. While violent, Ares isn't tragic enough.