USA Women's Soccer Completes Comeback In The Home Run Derby

DRESDEN, Germany- In what is being called the "Miracle on Grass, Part 2" the USA women's soccer team made an incredible comeback in the Home Run Derby at the World Cup in Germany against Brazil.

"I've worked hard for so long," says Abby Wambach, "and today feels like I've achieved everything. I'll remember this day for the rest of my life."

Wambach will indeed remember this day forever as she hit the game-tying home run in the derby, concluding the incredible comeback for the US women.

"It was a slider over the middle of the plate," says Wambach.

What seemed impossible, the US women literally had the entire world against them in the derby versus Brazil. There was the horrendous officiating by Nick Patrick. Brazilian players pretending to be hit by pitches. And an overall lack of interest in the home run derby.

"Women play soccer?" asks President Obama. "I guess good for them. Now excuse me I have to play my 1,234 round of golf since taking office. Fuck I love being President. This is much better than a "real" job."


Incredible odds these women had to overcome.

Despite all of this, the US women made a roaring comeback in the bottom of the ninth when Wambach hit the game-tying home run.

"I always believed in her (Wambach)," says Hope Solo. "Maybe before the next World Cup, I'll pose for Playboy for the rest of our country will notice us."

"That would certainly get me interested in women's soccer," quips President Obama.

The home run derby would go to extra innings. Brazil and the USA kept trading home runs. Then it finally happened. Hope Solo struck out Marta with a filthy Cliff Lee like cut fastball to give the US a chance to hit the game winning home run.

"Marta can't lay off cut fastballs high and inside," says Solo.

Then it happened. Sweet little Ali Krieger hit the game-winning home run that would eliminate the cheating Brazilians and send the United States to the semifinals Punt, Pass, and Kick competition against France.

Krieger hit an 0-2 fastball that ran in on her hands out to the opposite field. Krieger's 21st home run of the year would be her most important.

"Thank God this ballpark is built like Citizens Bank Ballpark," said Krieger. "The right fiend fence is so close to home plate I feel like I'm back in Williamsport."

If the US women defeat France at the Punt, Pass, and Kick competition in the semifinals, they will then move to the finals to play either Antarctica or Midway Island in the Slam Dunk competition.

That is another day. Today is a day to remember for the US women's incredible comeback against the flailing Brazilians. The "Miracle on Grass, Part 2" or as it will be remembered in the United States, "The Night When Curb Your Enthusiasm Returned!"  

Yes folks this is satire. I just wanted to point out how ridiculous it is that a World Cup match was ended with a gimmick like penalty kicks. And for those of you who point out they can't play forever, I say look at every other sport especially hockey. Hockey may have the shootout during the regular season, but they don't have one in the playoffs. As it should. They would play till there's a winner. That's what soccer should do.