Baseball, Booze, & Bullets

Sadle up boys, we're going to Ohio.

"Ohio Republican Governor John Kasich on Thursday signed into law a bill that allows gun owners in the state to carry concealed weapons into bars and other places where alcohol is served.

The measure, which was forwarded to Kasich on June 22 by the Ohio General Assembly, was signed on Thursday afternoon. Kasich is scheduled to sign the Ohio budget later Thursday.

Businesses can ban concealed weapons on their premises for safety reasons if the want to and some, like the Cincinnati Bengals football team, have indicated they will continue to bar gun owners from bringing firearms into the stadium.

The law also prohibits gun owners from consuming alcohol or being under the influence of alcohol or drugs when they carry their weapons into bars."

"Can't you just see it now" says the Colonel. "An Ohio State player arrested at Moe's Bar & Tavern in Columbus for firing off a round from his 9MM Beretta into the ceiling after a drunken brawl over a card game. And then the ghost of Tressel won't report the arrest to the NCAA after six months and then he'll quietly resign after pressure from ghosts Gee and Smith."

"Nah. What will happen is that the players will start trading tickets and gold pants for guns. A pair of gold pants and season tickets equals the Dirty Harry special, Magnum power" I say.

"The first gun I owned was a .44 Magnum" quips the Bandit. "Sweet gun. You do feel like Dirty Harry holding that kind of fire power."

"I can't wait then for the first Ohio State player to shoot himself in the foot. Figuratively." Says the Colonel.

The three of us laugh because the day was overall a mess. The Colonel, the Bandit, and I all had shitty days at work for a variety of reasons. It also didn't help the Giants lost on a walkoff in extra innings to split the series with the Cubs.

Besides the new Ohio concealed weapon/bar law, we're getting a good laugh at this Difference Makers/Life Lessons town hall meeting that is on ESPN with Coach K and Joe Paterno.


"I wonder if this town hall meeting is really taking place at a retirement community in Boca Raton?" quips the Colonel. As soon as he says that the old man with his vodka cranberry snickers. Of course he does.

This might be one of the most ridiculously produced ESPN events ever (Hyperbole alert!). Instead of taking questions from the audience, Paterno and Coach K are taking questions from people standing behind a podium with either a Duke or Penn State background.

"I'm waiting for Jay Carney to come out and say Coach K will not answer questions tonight about the sexuality of Christian Laettner" I say.

"Oh look. Matt Millen is in the building. When does he trade Paterno for Bobby Engram? Millen loves his receivers" says the Colonel as the rest of us laugh. (You may sob now RJBO)

And so it goes for us in the summer. On the day the NBA locks out, on the day Ohio legalizes guns are allowed into bars, we're finding entertainment in this goofy town hall.

That's why I can't stand summer. The hot, sticky weather and mosquitoes, summer is just a time to sit and wait for the football season to start. And it's that sad realization as the calendar turns to July, we're still two months away from the first college football game. There's no World Cup or the Decision to save us this summer. Just baseball, booze and bullets.

"Baseball is like a spouse. You love them, but you need a break every once in a while" says the Bandit.

We all raise our glasses in agreement. The dog days of summer are upon us, hopefully we can survive.