The Colonel and I

Another day, another night spent at the Mos Eisley Cantina. I once again meet the Colonel at our favorite bar for another rounds of brews and food to watch a 5 o'clock Giants-Cubs game. We're both excited for this game because Tim Lincecum is pitching and watching Lincecum pitch is always an event.

We arrived at the bar and saw the usual crew inside with out normal Coors Banquets waiting for us at the left side of the bar from Boz. We barely sit down and order burgers when the Bandit asks the Colonel about prop bets. "So what are we betting on tonight, Colonel?"

"Not tonight. I don't have any cash on me, plus I don't like to gamble on every game. It doesn't feel right" says the Colonel.

"Fine. We'll just enjoy the game over brews tonight. Cheers guys" replies the Bandit.

We toast each other and settle in for the game.

I've talked this past week about the Colonel without divulging much details about the actual man or how we met.

The Colonel and I met at Mos Eisley Cantina of course. The first time I entered this saloon was about a little over a year ago. I was still in college and working at nights. On this particular day I didn't have to work so after school I thought I would go to this bar near where I lived. It looked like my kind of place. Depressing.

When I walked inside I saw the cast of characters that would become an extended family to me. The trucker, the old man and his vodka cranberry, the war vets, the motorcycle gang, the husband and wife, Boz the bartender, and the Colonel.

I jokingly call him the Colonel for a couple of reasons. First to keep his identity hidden because he's a powerful lawyer in Placer, County. And second because he looks like Colonel Sanders dressed in all white. More accurately he looks like Tom Wolfe, but calling him "The Right Stuff" or "The Kool-Aid Acid Test" doesn't sound as cool as the Colonel.

The Colonel is some sort of renaissance man. Despite making what I'm sure is a pretty healthy living, he drinks cheap beer at a run down bar. I assume because the Colonel deals with well-to-do people, he likes to hang with us blue collar folks to find a balance.

The Colonel is a tall but slender man with blue eyes, blonde hair, and a well trimmed beard. He sort of looks like Clint Eastwood in the Dollars trilogy. He enjoys listening to Elvis on the jukebox (Suspicious Minds is his favorite song) and lecturing the patrons on the history of the Ottoman Empire. I figure he's just an history buff or he's seen Lawrence of Arabia one too many times. The Ottoman Empire? Or he might be a Hedo Turkoglu fan. Has to be either one of those options.

As I stated in the other Mos Eisley adventures, the Colonel fancies himself a physiologist always wondering about the mental state of the players he's watching. We're in constant debates over the mental stability's of the Giants players and opponents.

I've learned about life, history, physiology, Elvis, and friendship with the Colonel. We don't fraternize outside of the bar because we just want to know each other those couple of hours a night at Mos Eisley. I think we will keep it that way.

This game is turning out to be a typical Lincecum/Giants game. Lincecum isn't giving anything up while the Giants offense is stuck in neutral. To be fair though, Ryan Dempster is an above average pitcher but that's just an pathetic excuse for the Giants offense.


"When I was a kid Mays, McCovey, and Cepeda put the fear of God into hitters" quips the old vodka-cranberry drinking man. "These hitters put the fear of Jose Castilla into the pitcher."

When the old man speaks, it's usually a good one-liner about the Giants. The other sad reality is, he's right. The Giants offense is so pathetic that you can't say there's a black hole in any particular part of this lineup. The entire offense is a black hole. Andres Torres is turning into a one-year wonder. Sandoval is still trying to recover from an injury. Huff is proving his projections correct by having a bad year after a good year. Cody Ross is Cody Ross. Pat Burrell is stuck in Bruce Bochy's doghouse for whatever reason. Buster Posey and Freddy Sanchez are both injured. Add all of this together and you have one of the worst offenses in baseball.

Here's the problem that the Colonel, myself, and every other Giants fan have. This team refuses to trade for a quality young player who can hit. Brian Sabean's philosophy is to either sign or trade for a cheap bat that is either over the hill or an average player. This worked last year, but how often can it continue to work? So of course the Giants won't trade for someone like Jose Reyes or even a JJ Hardy. They'll re-acquire Juan Uribe or some other over the hill player in hopes that player will "catch lightning". Been down that road many times and it has often failed. I have no doubts that we're going down this road again with the Giants. It's their way.

"I don't understand why they don't take more risks with trades? Look at the Phillies. They didn't particularly need Lee, but signed him anyway" quips the Colonel. 

And that is the grand mystery about the Giants. Why don't they take more risks when it comes to trades? Is Sabean afraid to pull the trigger on a trade because of the AJ Pierzynski trade debacle? Are they afraid to give away the farm? Is there money concerns?

The first two excuses are fine. The third one isn't. If this team isn't willing to trade for a player like Reyes and not pay him for what he's worth because of money concerns, then the Giants ownership is no better than the A's. That ballpark is filled to the gills every night. Merchandise is flying off the shelves. If the Giants aren't making money, then the ownership group is more incompetent than I thought.

The Giants would go on to lose tonight's game on a walkoff. Another night, another wasted pitching effort (Lincecum's numbers on the night: 5 H, 1 R, 2 BB, 9 K's, No decision).

Just another night at the Mos Eisley Cantina for the Colonel and I.