Word of the Day: Stiff

Stiff, Noun: An NBA player who is 6' 10" and taller. He is unable to move and operate. He is also unable to bend or flex. And he is always rigid and firm.

Usage Example: Greg Ostertag is the greatest stiff of all-time.

Word Origin: Describing a tall, awkward, slow big man in the NBA as a stiff is not all that uncommon. What I never knew was where that word was created. Reading the Denver Stiffs blog I have finally found the origin of that word.

While Doug Moe was the coach of the Nuggets he had a 7 foot center named Blair Rasmussen. Rasmussen never averaged more than 12 points and 1.9 blocks a game. Moe coined the phrase stiff to describe Rasmussen as a big, white, stiff of a player. Moe wasn't uncommon with stiffs. After all he coached an all-time stiff in Danny Schayes.

Needless to say the word has stuck around to describe some of the biggest stiffs to have inhabited the NBA.

My Favorite Stiffs of All-Time

Kwame Brown- Oh, you thought the word "stiff" only implied to white guys? Well your wrong. Brown was the number 1 pick overall in the 2001 NBA draft by the Washington Wizards. Brown came into the NBA with huge expectations. He was the first high schooler drafted number 1 overall and Michael Jordan was the one who drafted Kwame for the Wizards.



Brown's rookie season, which should have been an indicator, was marred with a lack of maturity and criticism from Jordan and the media. Brown is also one of the worst kind of stiffs to have on your team, he's been on the wrong side of the law. In 2006, Brown was accused of sexual assault. The charges would be dropped, but Brown wasn't done getting into trouble. In 2007, Brown was accused of "grand theft of a person" when he threw a cake at a man. Yes, he threw a birthday cake at a man. Those charges were also dropped. Somehow Kwame is still playing in the league with the Detroit Pistons.

Greg Ostertag- One of the greatest stiffs of all-time. Ostertag somehow managed to play in the NBA for 11 years despite moving on the court like his shoes were filled with razor blades. True story about Ostertag, while he was playing for the Sacramento Kings he once stopped by my hometown to go duck hunting with Brad Miller. Supposedly both Ostertag and Miller bought donuts at the local donuts shop.



Shawn Bradley- Also one of the greatest stiffs of all-time. No one has been dunked on more times than Bradley and that's because he was so easy to dunk on besides being 7 foot 6 inches. Bradley and his concrete shoes was able to find a niche in the league has a reliable shot blocker and had a couple of productive years in Dallas. Bradley's nicknames while playing the NBA included, "The Stormin' Mormon", "The Deathstick", "Missionary Impossible", the "Mormon Mantis", the "Praying Mantis", and "The Human Toothpick." If those are your nicknames in the league, then your a stiff.



Tony Battie- While Shawn Bradley was at least able to block shots, Tony Battie wasn't even able to do that. Battie only averaged .9 blocks a season over a 12-year NBA career. After his rookie season with the Denver Nuggets, Nuggets GM Dan Issel labeled him "El Busto". Battie though did do some good while he was in the NBA. When Paul Pierce was stabbed outside a club in Boston in 2000, Battie rushed Pierce to the hospital and saved his life. So Battie was at least productive for the Celtics.

Danny Schayes- What would an all-time stiffs list be like without the immortal Danny Schayes? The son of Hall of Famer Dolph Schayes, Danny somehow managed to play in the NBA from 1981 to 1999. Yes he played in the league for almost 20 years! Schayes best season was back in 1988 when he averaged 13 points and 8 rebounds a game. How this stiff lasted so long will always be a mystery. Maybe he had naked photos of David Stern?

If you haven't noticed, these stiffs were all able to last in the league for more than 10 seasons. This proves that no matter how athletic you are, if you are 6' 10" and taller, you will be able to last in the league. Cole Aldrich has a long future in the NBA.