"Aggressively In Pursuit"

Today's rumor that is making the rounds and making everyone laugh is the rumor that the Phillies are "aggressively pursuing" Giancarlo Stanton. Hilarity ensued. Keep dreaming Phillies. But this did get me thinking. What other pie in the sky dreams are other MLB teams "aggressively pursuing?" Well here's my best guests.

Baltimore- Aggressively in pursuit of the other direction from regression.
Boston- In pursuit of booze.
New York- In pursuit of a time machine.
Tampa Bay- In pursuit of fans.
Toronto- In pursuit of relevancy

Chicago- In pursuit of Nate Silver's head and computer on a platter.
Cleveland- In pursuit of finding space for their 25 outfielders.
Detroit- In pursuit of Jose Valverde's heart.
Kansas City- In pursuit of making fans forget the James Shields for Wil Myers trade.
Minnesota- In pursuit of pitching. Any pitching.

Houston- In pursuit of wins. Any wins.
Los Angeles of Orange County- In pursuit of making people not notice they're paying a lot of old people a lot of money to play baseball.
Oakland- In pursuit of San Jose.
Seattle- In pursuit of finding space for 5 DH's.
Texas- In pursuit of vengeance against Josh Hamilton.

Atlanta- In pursuit of not looking like a racist franchise. Still failing.
Miami- In pursuit of the country and city to pay the team's payroll.
New York- In pursuit of happiness.
Philadelphia- Apparently in pursuit of Giancarlo Stanton.
Washington- In pursuit of a closer.

Chicago- In pursuit to stay hip.
Cinncinati- In pursuit of the opposite of collapse.
Pittsburgh- In pursuit of a winning record.
Milwaukee- In pursuit of a first baseman.
St. Louis- In pursuit of the elusive perfect bunt.

Arizona- In pursuit of gritty players.
Colorado- In pursuit of staying sober and pitching.
Los Angeles- In pursuit of scapegoating Don Mattingly in case the season is a disaster.
San Diego- In pursuit of relevancy.
San Francisco- In pursuit of veterans and pretending the Balco scandal didn't start in their clubhouse.