Dear Alex,
This is Jim Harbaugh. You know the guy who would pound his fists into your shoulder pads before every game. Anyway I just wanted to let you know you're still my number 1 Alex.
This whole flirtation with Peyton Manning didn't mean anything. I just needed a break with you. It was all on me though and has nothing to do with you. I love how you can't throw a screen to a receiver. I love how I piss my pants every time you're behind center and it's 3rd and long. I love how you're basically Tim Tebow but only faster. Speaking of Tebow, he has been totally screwed by Denver right? Maybe I should see if he's available err if he needs some consoling.
I also want to let you know that I did not flirt with Matt Flynn. Sure I would have liked to sign Flynn to that friendly contract Seattle gave him, but I was too busy petting Manning's neck scars. And that's the truth, I only cheated on you with one QB.
Also I don't think you want to sign with the Dolphins. South Beach is a disgusting place filled with tramps and whores and I'm just talking about the Miami Heat. HeyYo! No seriously you don't want to go to Miami. I was there last year and their owner is crazier than that three tit woman from Total Recall. You also wouldn't like that division. I can already picture you pooping yourself against the Patriots and Jets. At least in the terrible NFC West your lawn darts don't look as bad.
So why don't you come back to San Francisco, Alex. I bought that diamond ring Kobe gave to Vanessa at a Los Angeles pawn shop just for you. I want to see you throwing lawn darts in Candlestick. This Peyton Manning thing meant nothing Alex. I honestly mean that. (Harbaugh is crossing his fingers behind his back)
Love & Wolverines
James Harbaugh
Genius
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