Let's recap the Kings season so far. They're 6-11 on the year which is astounding when you really look at how awful they are. The Kings have already fired a coach, not after though that said coach threw his 21-year old right under the bus. The Kings are horrendous offensively and border between mediocre to grease fire bad on defense which is why they've been blown out in almost all of their losses. They can't run a fluid offense and most nights never transition back into defense leading to easy baskets and those blowouts. So there's nothing at all depressing about the Kings this season.
Thankfully the Colonel has joined me in watching the hot mess Kings take on the Portland Trail Blazers. We expect nothing but a Blazers blowout win. Here's our running Diary for the game: (Note: We're going to use our bylines KD for me and TC for The Colonel when giving our thoughts on the game)
7:00, KD: And we're looking live at the beautiful Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon. I'm drinking a Coors Light and the Colonel is having a Bourbon and Coke. Kings Grant Napear and Jerry Reynolds are our announcers for the evening.
7:01, TC: Grant Napear is a well known NY Giants fan and his face is glistening right now. I want to punch him in the face badly. I mean seriously what would I give just to crush a beer bottle over Peaches head right now.
7:11, TC: Jim Gray is at the game and is interviewing Jimmer. You could see in Gray's eyes he's wishing he was interviewing Kobe right now. You know he's friends with Kobe right? Jim Gray is the first person to tell you he's friends with Kobe.
7:13, KD: The Kings lost the tip. I don't know if they keep stats on who wins opening tip-offs but the Kings would probably rank dead last.
7:13, TC: That's because the guys they have taking these tips probably can't jump over the yellow pages.
7:15, KD: Whoa! Cousins actually draws an offensive foul. I'm shocked.
7:15, TC: And then he comes right down the court and shoots an airball. YOU'RE 2012 SACRAMENTO KINGS!
7:15, KD: "I believe Kurt Thomas played with Bob Cousy."-Jerry Reynolds. The lockout has affected the announcers because Reynolds usually doesn't make lame jokes like that.
7:18, TC: Only the Kings couldn't punish a team that is stone cold from the field and begin a blowout. Only the Kings can shoot so poorly and keep teams in a game.
7:22, KD: I loved Bobby Jackson so much when he played for the Kings. Now it's just sad looking at him on the Kings sideline holding a clipboard and looking like he's doing Tyreke Evans' taxes. He deserves better than watching this crap every night. 10-9 Kings, 6:00, First Quarter
7:25, TC: I'm glad you recorded the moment in the game where the Kings lost the lead because they're never going to lead again in this game. They're a hot mess on offense. Just disgusting to watch.
7:26, KD: Jimmer!
7:26, TC: JIMMER!
7:28, TC: No matter how many times I just want to strangle Cousins, it is nice seeing him grabbing offensive rebounds. Lord knows how badly the Kings need a rebounder. If that's all he does it's a positive for the Kings.
7:23: KD: Jimmer looks utterly confused on defense. BYU must have played a lot of zone because he's always looking behind himself for another defender and there's usually no one there. He also generally looks very timid on defense. Like he's afraid to pick up a foul.
7:33, TC: JIMMER3!
7:37, KD: The Kings broadcast just showed Bill Walton calling the game on the Kings radio side. Needless to say we turned on the radio immediately. "Where would the Kings be without Travis Outlaw?" Don't ever change Walton.
7:40, TC: Travis Outlaw is horrendous. He's plain old stealing money at this point. 21-21 All After 1 Quarter.
7:44, TC: Shut the fuck up Jim Gray. You're an awful person and no one cares about your between the quarter interviews with Keith Smart. Go die in a fire and leave us alone forever.
7:46, KD: Jamal Crawford is hot. That's bad for the Kings because he can kill teams when he's feeling it shooting. Oh and Travis Outlaw picks up an offensive foul. He really is horrible. Or Outlaw is throwing this game for his old team. Either way I want him off the floor and out of the Sacramento Valley.
7:50, TC: Did I see that advertisement right? "European Wax Center"? Do I even want to know what Napear was talking about? Also are whips involved with European wax? Do I have to investigate this? I think I need to.
7:54, KD: Jerry Reynolds just called Marcus Camby, "Mr. Eraser." That's the Jerry Reynolds we love. He can think of a nickname for anyone. I bet if I asked him he would come up with a nickname for me. In fact I think Reynolds should start a business where people pay him to come up with nicknames for them. Lord knows people have a hard time self glossing themselves.
7:58, TC: At least Jimmer is looking more comfortable on offense. He looked very timid on offense to start the year. He looks more comfortable with his shot and is driving more at the basket. That's one positive lately about the Kings.
8:02, KD: The Kings mentality when they start picking up fouls is terrible. I've never seen a team so full of mental midgets as this group. They completely implode when calls start going against them. That's one of their biggest problems.
8:07, TC: Yeah this team is a hot mess when things start going against them. They miss shots, make bad passes, commit turnovers and dumb fouls. It never ends with the Kings. By the time they compose themselves they're down by 20 points and out of the game.
8:10, KD: Just like that the Kings are down by 20 points. It's like clockwork. Mental midgets can't handle adversity. The Kings will never improve until they dump a couple of these losers.
8:12, TC: Evans just hit another half-court shot with time running out at halftime again. His second alone on this road trip. Too bad he can't make any other shot. 53-38 Blazers at Halftime.
The Colonel and I decided to watch the Australian Open instead of the rest of the Kings game. One half of crap is enough to swallow. In not surprising news Kim Clijsters was beating Caroline Wozniacki in their first set.
8:15, TC: I would pay big money to have a threesome with Kim and Caroline.
8:18, KD: I better just end this running diary right now before the Colonel says something he regrets. Thanks for reading and support folks.
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