Pickup Basketball Pet Peeves

With the weather warming up here in California, a couple friends and I started playing pickup basketball. I've always loved playing basketball and pickup basketball ranks right up there with Frisbee Golf and wiffle Ball. Now while I love playing pickup basketball, there are some things that just bother me while playing basketball with friends. Bad passes and cheap fouls are an occupational hazard, they come with playing the sport. There are other annoyances though that can suck the fun out of a game, that has nothing to do with the game. Here are my pet peeves that have nothing to do with actually playing pickup basketball.

Shirts vs. Skins- Thanks to the many wonders of science and Billy Mays' salesmanship(Miss you Billy) there are thousands of products that can help us with our daily lives. Despite these modern marvels, the best way to separate two teams playing pickup basketball is for one team to get half-naked. Isn't there a better way to decipher two different teams without stripping your shirt off? The first time I played with my friends we went shirts vs. skins. I saw some things some people should never witness in their lives. Which leads me to my other pet peeve.


Body Hair- I'm fine with a little body hair on your chest and stomach. That's fine. I'm talking about those certain guys that have hair everywhere. Hair on their shoulders. Hair coming out of their ears. A mat of hair on their back that makes them look like a walking carpet. Can't these guys at least trim their hair for they don't look like Sasquatch? Is it really that hard to get a pair of scissors to give yourself a trim? Why is that so hard. Of course body hair leads to me to other pet peeve.


Body Odor- Don't these people know we don't live in Europe? Showers are a common occurrence for most people. And really is it that hard to put on deodorant? Or to even find deodorant? Hell you can walk into most liquor stores/gas stations and find some Old Spice. And it takes what, like 5 seconds to put it on? This may be my biggest pet peeve of them all. Of course there is this pet peeve.


Too much Fragrance- I hate the people who came up with 'Axe Body Spray'. And I hate people who use 'Axe', because they have no clue how much they are suppose to apply to themselves. We've all been around a guy who puts on way too much 'Axe' or cologne. For some reason it makes me sick. Why can't guys just simply apply a little bit too themselves, instead of rolling around in it?


Untrimmed Finger Nails- Last week, we played against a guy who hadn't trimmed his finger nails and his hands made him look like Freddy Krueger. My problem with untrimmed finger nails is that basketball is a physical sport. Factor in the general clumsiness of your average pickup basketball player and your looking at a couple scratches a week somewhere on your body. Also we've also ran into the guy whose finger nails are yellow, but they haven't been trimmed in a while. So God knows what gets scratch into you during the game. Please trim your finger nails buddy.


Showing Up Late- My biggest pet peeve overall in life, is showing up late. That's why I would be the perfect player for a Tom Coughlin team. If he told me to show up at 10, I would show up by at least 9:45. So you could only imagine how I feel when some idiot shows up to the basketball court late. You have to go through the process of re-organizing the teams. And what happens if a person shows up late and makes the number of guys an odd number? You could see why I get pissed.

Headbands- Look fellas, I know we like to emulate other athletes. For some reason, I've also tried to emulate Jeff Bagwell's batting stance when I play wiffle ball. But it's never cool trying to dress like your favorite player. Leave the headband at home. Your not Ben Wallace. You don't make $60 million to play basketball. So stop trying to look like your favorite basketball player on the concrete court in your local park.


Water Fountains- I made the mistake the first time I played pickup basketball by not buying a Gatorade before I went to play. Needless to say I was at the mercy of the park water fountain. First of all, is there anything more disgusting than a public water fountain? And how many times have you used a water fountain and had your faced burned by scolding hot water that has come out of that fountain? Water fountains provide enough water to sustain you, but never enough to satisfy. Is it really that hard to build a water fountain that emits a cool stream of refreshing water?